Hi Lapis

Hi Lapis,


FEAR, boy did I have that. It is going... cause I no longer have to check my closets for monsters. ;), I am beginning to get the peace in the mind... which is the best. PEACE. I had a vision,
like you, but got sicker after it. I possibly think this vision was given to me so later... I would know that someone was there for me and would hang on in the darkest hours, like I have had.
I hope those dark days are over cause I cant take many more of them.
I never knew how much I loved my mind... until I started to loose it.... and now it is back, and I will let NO one... fool with it again.

Yes, I am into alternative health. Have been for many years.
When I found out I had lyme, and had to go on Antibiotics , it was quite a decision, cause I was allergic to most drugs and chemicals. I have the MCS, the multiple chemical sensitivites.
Anyways, it was at this time... when I had my first 'sign' outside of my dream, WARNING, this exact word... I had stared at it when I was sitting at the kitchen table about to cancel the LYME MD's apppt out of town. I suddenly knew as I stared the WARNING word... a sticker on our window, that I better get the heck down there or DIE. I went, and it was the best thing I ever did. I worked closely with a ND and the LYME MD. Had the antibitoics tested on the 'vega' machine at the ND's. The Antibiotics tested fine for me, so went ahead and the healing with them. IT was at this time, taking the Antibiotics to kill the lyme bug in me that I thought I would never make it through this looooong journey. I had to start at s smalll dosage of the antibiotics cause I was so infested with lyme... and I got soooo sick from the lyme bacteria dying off. It was like I was being...
knifed all over, acid in my veins, monsters in my mind... on and on. I had called a psychic medium who had told me I had lyme... a friend had told me about her... and anyways, it was she who called me one Am to tell me to NOT stop the antibiotics cause more or less i would die without them at that time. She said I had to somehow get through this hell, and anwyas... I did.
Many months in bed praying and fighting to live, but I did it... or shoudl I say.. got a little better. It was at this time, lying bed that I started to get most dreams, and my relationship with GOD deepened. MANY have had or have to go through this lyme hell to get well. I have had lyme about 15 years and only now treating it, or started treating it one year ago.

Then before this I had the mental breakdown, and the physial one. It has been a NIGHTMARE and I would never do it all over again. I really would not. It has been too much for me to take, and that is why I suppose I surrendered or prayed more to GOD.
I dont want God to be all my life, I want him to be a part of my life. I think he saved me by getting me sick, I feel this is what happened. Now I just have to do the ONION layer thing.

I am worn to the bone of all this &_*_*_, really am, but what can you do if you really want to still live, .... take one day at a time. I even get tired of that saying... one day at a time. ;). When I get like this above, kinda negative and bummed, I let it go, I cannot always be postive. I let myself mourn, cry and YELL! in a pillow, as I heal. Feels good to get it all out, and journalling is the best.

I gather from your post that you let someone else take over your life? a religion? is that it? I was liek that, now I am the ruler in my world. No one else. I will pray in the open hills when I am well, and baptize myself in the mountains. I have wanted to do this... for a while.

Gehna