I dont believe that God is within

I dont believe, at this time that God is within me.

Wether or not this is because I was raised Catholic, I dont know.
I tend to think it is more because of the vision I had several years ago... and that vision did not come from within. I believe God, for me anyways, is a separate identity. I mean, who really knows, who is right, who is wrong. I have stopped trying to find answers to where I will not really know until another time... when I die perhaps.

I am now able to read a book and take what I like and leave the rest in the book. It was all or nothing before, but as I am growing as a person, I am learning along the way.

I dont consider myself a whole catholic, but partly. I dont think I could ever abandon the catholic religion, cause it is my roots, and it does have some good in it. I believe all religion has some good.

Why am I writing this... to stay sane I supose. I miss my old life, but realize it was so empty... what I miss most of my old life... was the health I had... going anywhere, doing anything that I wanted to do.

So, for now, I have had to go this spiritual route... cause I had no other way to hang on... it has done me well, and continues to do me well, so I have to be grateful that at least I took a good route. I believe for me anyways that times when I get down, like now, the more I pray... the more I am lifted higher out of my depression. A Depression nothing will help... just a time of my life that I have to either stay in, or move out of. It is also lyme toxins coming out. Candida toxins too.

Cant take a drink of alcohol now to kill the depression, cant go for a run... cause I am not well enough... cant just sit there anymore cause it is sooooo empty, so... why not read my book that Janaki told me about. It is a good book, and it is taking me to a higher level of self.

Gehna