Was your explosive reaction due to herpes alone? Herpes is not the end of the world. Have you done any research on just how many people have herpes in America? The statistics point to as many as 1 in 3. Maybe you would like to be one of the 2 in that figure, but if you are not, then you have to learn coping skills. You may hate your boyfriend, and, yes, you have every reasonable right to hate him, but he may also be a potential partner for you (unless you have completely ruled that out) since you asked the question "who will want me now?" I keep my head up and a smile on my face by placing on finger on the pulse of the research going on now for herpes. Maybe this will be of comfort to you too. Also, look into alternative methods. Some help a lot and some do more than help from my experience. Good luck with putting your life back together.