drowning in ghastly food issues...need a friend.

Hi there. I am new to this board, but not new to Curezone. Curezone had been an on and off thing for me now for years.

I have been suffering from MASS food sensitivities and chronic ill health (chronic fatigue, digestive problems, depression) for about six years now. At this point, the only foods that my body seems to do okay with are raw veggies, greens, and non-sweet fruits like avocado, olives, tomatoes, cucumber, etc. 100% raw.

When I am strict enough to stay on this incredibly boring diet, after a few weeks I do not retain as much fluid, I lose weight, my stomach stops bloating and gets flatter, circles under my eyes lesson, Depression lifts, energy increåses, etc. etc. When I "cheat" and eat dates and sweeter raw produce, my body starts attacking my thyroid gland, as tests have proven and I can feel the soreness in that area when this happens. Poor health results.

But the fact that I am so limited (and have been for six whole years without any sign that this might be a condition that will ever go away) makes me crazy mentally. I tend to go through rebellion periods that will last for months where I will CHEAT horribly with my diet and binge on raw deserts from my raw foods restaraunt. This will make me feel miserable, but the more I eat the more I crave these sweets. Then I will go for a few days of juice fasting to try and level myself out again and wipe the slate clean to start anew....ughhh!

I feel like I definitely have the all or nothing, binge or fast mentality. But I never let myself go without nutrients (at least freshly squeezed juice with lots of minerals added) because I have had electrolyte imbalances in the past and am very paranoid and wary of this. (I didn't get the electrolyte issues from not eating or anything. It happens when I do a parasite cleanse or an alkalizing cleanse too fast for my system to handle, whenever my system is just overloaded in general.)

Anyway, I'm just having a real low tonight. I broke down crying. I seriously just don't know how to continue living like this. No one in my life understands what I have to go through day to day. Lately, I barely have the energy to make it through the day. And this crushing Depression is debilitating. I find myself wishing I could just die....even though I know that's not the real me thinking such horrible thoughts, because I am generally a possitive person who loves life.

It's just scary that this illness just doesn't seem to be going away and I'm almost thirty. I have been living with my parents because it helps me stay above water to not have the stress of paying rent. But I have to find a way to support myself. I HAVE to build up my health enough to be able to do this!

I've done bowel cleanses, colonics, liver cleanses, juice fasts, energy healing, and so much more. The things that HAVE helped me are Innerlight Supergreens along with the Alkalarian diet, wheatgrass, acupuncture, yoga, and anti-parasitic herbs. For some reason, though, lately, I have been having a rough time sticking with the stuff that helps me. I just feel so....tired. Run down. Like I just don't have the energy anymore to keep up the good fight. And I'm only 29. It's hard to imagine having to live out the rest of my days struggling like this...and feeling deprived of foods that I enjoy.

I JUST NEED THE WILLPOWER TO STICK WITH THE STUFF THAT HELPS ME. I think I need to just come to terms and accept having to eat nothing but raw veggies for the rest of my life if I want to feel good. Maybe seeing a therapist would help? Resolve the emotional attachment I have with food? I just would LOVE to get to a place where my life does NOT revolve around FOOD like it has for the last six years. I want to see it as nothing more than fuel. Too bad so many social occasions revolve around it....

When I do an Alkalarian diet and Innerlight supergreens (at least the first time I did it religiously for two weeks) I dropped to my ideal weight of 110 lbs. at 5'4". It makes all my water retention go away, too. But now I am 120 lbs and feeling swollen and fat and I have lots of cellulite. So I plan on doing a juice fast for a few days to clean my system out, then I will shoot for smaller raw veggie meals more frequently throughout the day, along with my innerlight supergreens and wheatgrass shots. I will also continue the anti parasitic herbs and regular yoga. Beyond this, I don't know what else I could possibly do for myself. If I had money I'd get regular acupuncture, but I'm really poor.

Any encouragement would be great. I know my situation is probably different than anyone else' and maybe no one will be able to relate with me at all, but I HAD to write down my feelings here, since it is therapeutic, if anything. Thanks for listening, for what it's worth.

--Anne Tweet