Re: i need a friend...

Thank you so much for your support, it really helps me get more perspective since I am very isolated and I don't have a support system.
You are right, I should leave him but I am so depressed right now, and I just don't know what to do. It is a big step because I will have to move far away again because I am not born in the USA. It would be a very final decision and I would probably never see him again. I think we would do better if we weren't always together. I am not ready yet to leave him, and I want to be skinny if I do (if that makes any sense).
It will be very hard no matter what I choose to do. I need to talk to an attorney but that costs $$$...
Many times I have felt like leaving him after fighting, but it takes 2 weeks before I can fly away (for a reasonable price) to where i used to live, and I have no place to go in the meantime, so usually after 3 days of not talking to eachother, we forget our anger and pain, and we want eachother again. He doesn't want me to go. Things are usually a lot better for a while untill the cycle repeats itself.
I am so lonely, I don't know where to go. I do have family, but we have many differences. They get along with him well, and he has bought them presents. They would probably tell me it was my own fault or something, and they don't know about my ED but they do tell me i am too skinny or that i should eat meat or whatever. Actually, I think they suspect that i have an ED and they know i have had ED struggles before, but i have always denied it and I didn't want help. I don't think they would be able to relate to me or to help me, or to let me be myself. it would most likely even be more depressing for me to stay with them. God, I used to have so many friends and none of this bs. I have tried to reach out to one of my new 'friends' but she just went on about how cute of a couple she thinks we are, and how she didn't want us to break up. She didn't really listen to what I was trying to tell her. It is hard to know who to trust because people like to gossip. I am even afraid to say too much online. I really don't have anyone to talk to.

What kind of modeling do you do if I may ask? I have been asked to model but I never took it seriously because I always feel too fat...




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