Re: Bummer!

I know what you are going through. I was in a similar situation with my spouse but my spouse was an out of control alcoholic who was committing suicide by alcohol. At one point, I realized she wanted to take me down with her. Even if drugs or alcohol are not involved, I can see the psychic drama being played out. There were a dozen or so cues that told me to leave.... the candle stick to the side of my head...the calls to the police that never got her arrested...I would even be accused by the police, of being the abuser, even though I never laid a hand on her. But somehow, I was part of the abuse because I alowed it to continue. A ten year relationship of detox centers and threats from friends of hers... An endless soap opera. I loved her so much and I knew she loved me but even though my life without her seemed an impossibility, I moved on. I had taken the vow "for better for worse" to mean anything but at some point I realized that she knew that and I felt that way and the "worse" was heading toward a grave for me as well. The final straw was when I locked her out one night and she tried to bust out a window to get in(she had busted out my windows out three times before to get in...the police never took her away...they said she could bust out the windows of her own home if she wanted to..)but this time I ran outside to take the pole out of her hands... She ran next door and called the police...and she ripped the buttons off of her dress and told the police I did it. The only reason I was never hauled away before was because there never ever any physical abuse on my part but I believe now that she wanted my house. Anyway, I actually ended up in jail for a night and that was the last straw...

I moved to another country for a year and taught english while she stayed in my home...Her story of self destruction continued while I was gone but I was not there to self destruct with her. I don't know if I left to save my life or because I needed to go to another country but for whatever reason I left, it was a new adventure and it did save my life. I visited her on her death bed...her eyes had turned yellow... She loved going to hospitals because it gave her a chance to rest...They gave her drugs..but this last time the doctor wanted to let her die...She told her boyfriend that she wanted to see me. She was my great love...and it is hard to throw that away. I went to where she was and she had changed...she was ready to go..I whispered that I loved her...and I left...Her family was all there and still playing along with the soap opera that was her life... They told me not to even go to the funeral... I have never visited her grave.
She talks to me sometimes now...when I am driving on long road trips...we are friends again...

My guess is that you have had a hundred little messages to get out of there and leave
but you are so close to it that you just can't see that you love someone who is in self destruct mode and you love someone who will take down anyone in his path. He would even risk taking his brother down for killing you. It may seem noble to die for love but why? His story of self destruction doesn't have to be yours. Find a new story for yourself. All my life I wanted to help people. That is what I have made a career and life about but I could only make my wife's tradedy into my tragedy if I stayed. My wife helped me out once when I was going down in flames...I was suffering from severe manic depression...She save my life and I guess the proceeding ten years was my payback... She told me to "get over it" and I did but she never got over her suicide by alcohol. I sense your ol' man is caught up in a death dance...and anyone around him will get caught up in the music of the dance he is dancing too. There are other callings...other songs...other dances...I would suggest that you block out the loud orchestra that is the dance you are caught up in now and listen to the quiet still voice inside your heart of hearts... It is time...