Where I have been for the last few m... 
Blueduck
18 y
3,268
I have not been around for several months because I am having trouble with my old man. We have been together over 11 years.
My ol man is in jail. Abuse of a family member. (Me) I need to go ER to get it all documented in medical terms for court and do not have the strength to do it. This happened this afternoon. Later, I called his Mom to tell her what happened....another mess...make long story short, his brother left me a message if I do not call him tonight he is going to come over here from the other island on a plane tomorrow. He said he is coming for me. He said to not mess around with him. (Writers note: edited from the word make to made, 6:51 AM Tuesday,March 7th.) Made a police report of that and signed a statement. The police listened to the message that my old man's brother left me on my Cell Phone saying all that. The family is huge and there are plenty of them on this island also. I will NOT be run out of own house. I am not scared at all. I am plenty pissed off and in pain also. I need an x ray on my foot. I have blood in my urine and passed blood in BM, bright red this morning. He slammed me against the wall several days ago. My head and back hit the wall. He stomped my foot. He had grabbed my arms and left bruises. My blood pressure is sky high. I have had two strokes already. My old man is a Viet Nam Veteran. I love him dearly. We both started counseling. I went the next week alone and he went last week alone. Some physical ailment is causing this and damnit, he believes in western medicine and I have been here to long to trust them.
All suggestions appreciated. Please help me.
Thanks,
PS Update : Same times a editing was done
I have decided to hell with the whole thing. I am going to take some advice I was offered by a friend, who suggested that I follow my heart. I have a hell of a mess to clean up here at the house because when my old mans brother said all that to me on my voice message I took it as it was said and figured he would do exactly what he said. Little did I know that they all talk a lot and do nothing except say it and do not follow through with it. That is a good thing for him because I was ready willing and able to defend any attack. When some one says they are coming for me, I prepare. Now I have a mess to clean up. I had decided after that phone message that I was DONE with my ol man because I do NOT WANT any part of a man who has a brother that would say some shit like that. All I want from that brother is to be left alone and not called or contacted in any way. I was going to file a TRO against my ol man, however it looks like I should have filed one against my ol man's brother. I still can do that if need be. Once again, all I want is to be left alone.
Blueduck
- Bummer! Southern Belle
18 y
2,778
This is a reply to # 359,257Hi Blueduck,
Some men!!! I say some because there are a few good ones out there, but the ones who fought in Vietnam have continued to fight their own battles ever since they came back home.
I have always pictured the area where you live as one where nothing bad ever happens. It's perfect and serene all the time. How wrong I am.
Keep your immune system strong to fight your physical, as well as emotional, scars.
If you haven't already done so, post this in the Relationship forum and someone like Autumn could give you some great advice.
Just dig in your hills and don't allow his family to chase you away.
I will say a prayer for you today. People here do care about you.
Paulette- Re: Bummer! Blueduck
18 y
3,200
This is a reply to # 359,259Thanks for your fast response. I am sorry but it was not much help though. I cannot commiserate I do not have time or energy to do so. I was hoping to talk to some one that has been in an abusive relationship and made it through in one piece.
This is a seperate issue from any thing that happened to him in Viet Nam. I was just saying that to try and cover all areas of things that could possible be promlems, know what I mean ? I did not mean to write a misleading post and Paulette I do appreciate your suggestions. Thank you.
Also drug and alcohol abuse is another seperate issue from both Viet Nam things and from abuse. He has three things to deal with, as far as issues go. He is diabetic, has high blood pressure, high cholestral and eats what ever he wishes.
I had another stroke a few months ago. Instead of calling for help he gave me my last rights.
The cycle is on an upward spiral. A few days ago he slammed me into the wall. I have had a head ache since. He also stomped my foot that night. He also grabbed my arms and those bruises are now faint. I am tired and going to try and get some sleep soon.
Thanks,
Blueduck
- Advice Southern Belle
18 y
2,780
This is a reply to # 359,260I can give you advice......
I was in an abusive relationship for 18 years. He drank a lot and when the alcohol was flowing, his "courage" became stronger. I was also his punching bag, both physical and mental. I am a strong believer that the mental scars are far worse than physical. Physical you can see....mental you can't.
I never believed that I was part of the problem until I came face to face with that fact. Once I realized I was the enabler for and to him, then I began to take steps to correct it. I divorced him many years ago.....where I got the courage I may never know. But, it was the smartest thing I ever did. He continued his cycle and then committed suicide in 2001.
He was never in Vietnam, but I have known many who served in that war and it affected everyone I knew.
My advice.........GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP and don't look back. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. HE is destroying your physical, as well as mental health. Seek counseling for yourself like I did and find out all the "why and why nots" of what makes YOU tick. You are worth it.
Paulette- Re: Advice Blueduck
18 y
3,244
This is a reply to # 359,262Paulette,
I am sorry that you went throught it that long. Hind sight is 20/20/. I am done. I am glad that his brother called me up and threatened me because it gave me the shove in the right direction...outta here. I file a restraining order in the morning if I survive the night. I am going to rest in a while and get up and start selling things out of the house to get up money to leave on. Here I am at age 52 wondering if I can walk down the streets or if one of his sick family members is out there waiting. There are many of them, one of me. I hope they put my ol man under the jail. I really do. They won't do that though, they will release him from jail tomorrow afternoon with a slap on the wrist. He will be charged with a misdeameanor: "Abuse of a family member." No way can I possibly get out of here that fast. I have to current ID and I cannot get on a plane with out one. I have no bank account for any one to send money to so I can leave. I have to take the bus to get any thing done and be watching for his sick family over my shoulder. The cops are more afraid of a domestic than any other thing. They take thier time getting to the scene when you call 911. If I need to call 911 again I will say that my house is on fire. They will be here in less than one minute.
- Re: Advice Blueduck
18 y
3,244
- Advice Southern Belle
18 y
2,780
- Re: Bummer! #2853
18 y
2,772
This is a reply to # 359,259I know what you are going through. I was in a similar situation with my spouse but my spouse was an out of control alcoholic who was committing suicide by alcohol. At one point, I realized she wanted to take me down with her. Even if drugs or alcohol are not involved, I can see the psychic drama being played out. There were a dozen or so cues that told me to leave.... the candle stick to the side of my head...the calls to the police that never got her arrested...I would even be accused by the police, of being the abuser, even though I never laid a hand on her. But somehow, I was part of the abuse because I alowed it to continue. A ten year relationship of detox centers and threats from friends of hers... An endless soap opera. I loved her so much and I knew she loved me but even though my life without her seemed an impossibility, I moved on. I had taken the vow "for better for worse" to mean anything but at some point I realized that she knew that and I felt that way and the "worse" was heading toward a grave for me as well. The final straw was when I locked her out one night and she tried to bust out a window to get in(she had busted out my windows out three times before to get in...the police never took her away...they said she could bust out the windows of her own home if she wanted to..)but this time I ran outside to take the pole out of her hands... She ran next door and called the police...and she ripped the buttons off of her dress and told the police I did it. The only reason I was never hauled away before was because there never ever any physical abuse on my part but I believe now that she wanted my house. Anyway, I actually ended up in jail for a night and that was the last straw...
I moved to another country for a year and taught english while she stayed in my home...Her story of self destruction continued while I was gone but I was not there to self destruct with her. I don't know if I left to save my life or because I needed to go to another country but for whatever reason I left, it was a new adventure and it did save my life. I visited her on her death bed...her eyes had turned yellow... She loved going to hospitals because it gave her a chance to rest...They gave her drugs..but this last time the doctor wanted to let her die...She told her boyfriend that she wanted to see me. She was my great love...and it is hard to throw that away. I went to where she was and she had changed...she was ready to go..I whispered that I loved her...and I left...Her family was all there and still playing along with the soap opera that was her life... They told me not to even go to the funeral... I have never visited her grave.
She talks to me sometimes now...when I am driving on long road trips...we are friends again...
My guess is that you have had a hundred little messages to get out of there and leave
but you are so close to it that you just can't see that you love someone who is in self destruct mode and you love someone who will take down anyone in his path. He would even risk taking his brother down for killing you. It may seem noble to die for love but why? His story of self destruction doesn't have to be yours. Find a new story for yourself. All my life I wanted to help people. That is what I have made a career and life about but I could only make my wife's tradedy into my tragedy if I stayed. My wife helped me out once when I was going down in flames...I was suffering from severe manic depression...She save my life and I guess the proceeding ten years was my payback... She told me to "get over it" and I did but she never got over her suicide by alcohol. I sense your ol' man is caught up in a death dance...and anyone around him will get caught up in the music of the dance he is dancing too. There are other callings...other songs...other dances...I would suggest that you block out the loud orchestra that is the dance you are caught up in now and listen to the quiet still voice inside your heart of hearts... It is time...
- Re: Bummer! Blueduck
18 y
3,098
This is a reply to # 359,263Just when I thought I had no more tears left.Thank you so much for your story. I knew that you and I had a lot in common and I believe that is why we bumped heads so hard a while back. Are you aware that alcohol abuse and and the other kinds of abuse are TWO seperate issues and must be dealth with seperately ? I know that information is useless to you now...hopefully it can help some one else. Ya know, yesterday morning I would have done any thing for this man I have loved and lived with for over 11 years. Today all I want is to be gone and never to hear from him or any of his family ever again. It is strange how one sick phone call can change every thing. I am glad for the phone call now, it cleared my thinking. I have to file the restraining order tomorrow. I have to come up with some money to leave with. I have to get my ID current..all I have is a Hawaii State Driver's License, expired. I have many things to do and and not enough time to do them. I am sure he will talk his way out and if not his family will bail him out tomorrow after noon any how. I wish I knew for sure if the brother is on the plane or on island now. He will not call me back on the phone. The only one that will talk to me is the Mother. I need to hear it from him, his self that he is not coming over to Oahu from Kauai. I have every thing on police reports...I let the police officer listen to the message that was left on my voice mail. I am sick, tired and want out. Thanks for listening.
- Re: Bummer! #2853
18 y
2,802
This is a reply to # 359,273I have been crying about your message all day. I am there with you. My breath is short...I can't say I have not been where you are today. The police reports, the restraining orders, the threats, and it never stopped her... I don't know your man but I know the pattern... Someone that wants to injure someone else has a serious sickness and is bent on their own self destruction. Only someone who has something left to lose can be coerced by a court order. I don't know if you have been isolated from a caring network of friends but if you can connect with them now, find a way out of there. Get that driver's license and go on a vacation. Do some volunteer... work on the mainland... Sign up for classes overseas... Don't be a victim...
- Re: Bummer! Blueduck
18 y
3,125
This is a reply to # 359,280I am not a victim let me tell you. I took my guard down and that was my lesson, a learning experience. I have plenty police reports. I have no money tree. I need a job not a vacation. The rent is $1,200.00 and I don't know for sure if it was paid or not. I was not there, I did not see it. I was told it was paid. I called the landlord and told em to deposit it immediately in the morning because my ol man is in jail and he will have some one slam the plastic card and I will get evicted if the rent is not paid. I am old enough to know what I have to do. Taking a vacation sounds great. I think my budget of thirty dollars to my name will not be quite enough to take a vacation LMAO ! I have to see the funny side to this. It could be a lot worse, what if I had been married. We won't go there, that is another can of worms. Well one sentence....make it a couple. When I was married at a young age I needed a restraining order. IT is a useless piece of paper unless you are dealing with law abiding citizens, which was not the case then and it certainly is not the case now either. I was taught to respect the law, do not lie and do not bear false witness. I had a family to help me then. Today I have no one. I have no friends that I can count on at all. I would not take my problems to thier house and possible involve them in any kind of domestic dispute. I remain alone, strong and ready to do what needs to be done, which is taking care of me. Forget broken promises, to hell with intentions and half baked plans of others. Never mind what his family is accusing me of, and that is that I PUT HIM IN JAIL. If I did that I would like to know where is my paycheck and badge at. I am done talking to all of them. I just had a final phone conversation with his ex. I am done writing to his son in prison. I am done talking to any one with the last name he has, except HIM. I do not have a lot to say to him at all. That is between us and should involve no one else. I could care less about what happens because it is now out of my hands, the state has taken over. I did what I had to do and called the police because I was being hurt. I will heal with time. I am definitely involved in an addictive relationship and I am taking back control of my own self.
Thanks for responding. Take care.
Blueduck- Re: Bummer! #2853
18 y
2,702
This is a reply to # 359,281I am very sensitive to the kind of energy people have. Even if we "butted heads," I always admired your inner strength. I hope the best for you and if you decide to stay, you are going to need to tap that inner strength. "What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger?" Maybe if I had not run, I wouldn't still be dealing with the "what if's" I am going through now? It may be that I never resolved my own victim mentality... but I at least lived to tell the tale. I apologize if I projected that role of "victim" on you. I can see you have a lot more resolve than I ever did. I was dopey in love and I just couldn't see straight. I may not have been on drugs or alcohol but I was caught up in something that I could not control... If you are going to stay where you are, you are going to need to fully utilize the inner strength you have and stay the bright clear minded person I have always recognized in you. Be careful...
- Re: Bummer! Blueduck
18 y
3,259
This is a reply to # 359,291Thanks for your caring,support, concern and advice. You are correct, what does not kill you makes you stronger. I have more bruises on my arm.I did not have a broken arm so that is good. I do think I have some broken bones in my feet.From round one, ding ding. He stomped my right foot, among other things. Not submitting to x ray. They will heal. It is no big deal. I am fine as along as every one stays out of our business. As long as he does not start screaming and yelling. IF he listens to ANY one that is a drunk or other dysfunctional person, I am in for literally weeks of pure hell. He goes to another island and drinks, goes to the bars, listens to total dysfunction and then comes home and I have to pick up the pieces. He is diabetic, has high blood pressure and high cholestoral and each of the medicines he takes for these health issues has a warning label on it saying not to drink alcohol while taking this medication.IF he goes over there and gets drunk I do not want to claim responsibility for my own actions if any thing happens to him. I suppose he skips a dose of medicine and thinks he is ok to drink....also he seems to think it is all right to drink and drive. I have over 13 years of sobriety. I have not been to a meeting in a couple weeks. I must get back to meetings this week and attend them a regular basis. He is supposed to be going to counseling. I am not sure where that will lead. The counselor saw me once, told me that she suggested I go to the womans shelter and at least take classes. I told her I could probably teach the classes. I have the information they teach. I do not use it because I do not agree with it.She said that she suggests I go to the shelter, take their classes for abuse. I could also use some anger management classes. I am acting out, responding to things I should ignore and reacting instead of acting. I actually told my old man that if he puts his hands on me in a bad way again, ever, I will go for it and fight him with ALL that I have, and I will do that. I will defend his attack to the best of my ability. I will not be bruised again without returning it with all I have. I am a woman, 5'8", around 175 and am strong. He claims to have taken and taught self defense classes. I could give a shit less. I do not claim to have any degrees in self defense but I am here to tell you that I can fight and with God on my side that is all I need. I will call up my angel warriors from heaven and we will go to town if that is what he wants. Yes, it is a co-dependent thing. Yes, it is an addictive love affair. Yes, we both need anger management classes. No I will NOT live at a womens shelter. No, I did NOT file a TRO. He got out of jail early. They opened the door around 10 PM, so he says, Sunday night. The whole thing was dropped.I could care less. I have the truth posted on here and some on my blog, which I intend to update soon. It is at another website, not at Curezone. We spent hours getting to the car and getting it running. The cops busted off the key in the ignition. I had it bent and the car still started, ran, stopped and started and ran again. The busted off section of the key in the ignition was no where in the car nor was it in his personal possessions. They acted like they owned the car. He told them to leave the ignition alone. They chose to damage it. I am glad that they were NOT able to get out the section of the key that they broke off. There IS a set of keys out some where. My ol man did NOT get the locked changed in the doors nor did he get a new ignition made. The car is five years old, need I say more? I said yank the chip and carry it with you when you are not driving the car. It is the last one so I hope he is able to hang onto that one. He failed to replace the one he carried and it stopped working so being and dumb ass I gave him mine to use. Now I have none and he has the last one and if he loses that one he will have another financial mess on his hands because he did not do what he needed to do. I am not longer being care taker of the car nor of him. He had to pay a lock smith 75 bucks to get the car going. He had lost his patience and took a screw driver and stuck in into the ignition and pounded the end of the handle of the screwdriver with a pair of heavy plier type tools. The lock smith said he could have damaged the tumblers. I said I could have also, when I kicked the key and flattened it against the steering column. However the car started up and ran after I kicked the key. Also, the Police Officer could have damaged it when he almost had the broken off key out I do not know. I got there after he broke off the key and had the rest of the key almost out of the ignition. When I opened the passenger door and sat down he almost had the broken off key out. I grabbed my tweezers and poked the key back in. I was getting pissed off at them by then. They had taken our little dog out of the back seat of the car, where he was riding in his carrier. They had out little dog in his carrier setting on the trunk lid of the police car. I asked if I could get my things out of the car. That is when I went over and got in on the passenger side of the car and saw the Police Officer trying to get the key out. Needless to say I was totally out of patience by then and hard a hard time keeping my mouth shut. The best thing a person can do here when talking to a Police Officer is say as little as possible. Actually after this weekend I have absolutely nothing to say at all to any of them. I suppose I will be subpoenaed into court in the future. I will choose to plead the fifth and say nothing. I do not have to talk and they cannot make me. I do not even go to court even if I am subpoenaed. I let the court date pass, let the warrant be issued, let them arrest me on the bench warrant and then I do what I have to do. Some day I will tell that story on my blog. It is pretty funny to hear it. I have plenty of decisions to make today and this week. I am unsure what direction I am heading. Yes, I love my ol man. I just wish that every one would leave us the hell alone to try and work this shit out our selves. WE are the ones that have a relationship. Only WE can make it or break it. We need useful information. WE do not need hassled, questioned or aggravated....hell we have that together now and certainly do not need more of it. I will keep you posted.
Thanks again.
Blueduck
- Re: Bummer! #68716
18 y
2,688
More
- Re: Bummer! #68716
18 y
2,688
- Re: Bummer! Blueduck
18 y
3,259
- Re: Bummer! #2853
18 y
2,702
- Re: Bummer! Blueduck
18 y
3,125
- Re: Bummer! #2853
18 y
2,802
- Re: Bummer! Blueduck
18 y
3,098
- Re: Bummer! Blueduck
18 y
3,200
- hi Blueduck. Wrenn
18 y
2,774
This is a reply to # 359,257I am sorry to hear about your injuries.
I have several thoughts come to mind, please bear with me,
as I do not intend them disrepectfully ,
but since you say you love him , and were going thru counseling,
then it seems a bit of *gleaning * might be useful.
( you don't need to answer this, just ask of yourself)
play detective with yourself... since it is a very personal issue
!st question : ask yourself..
If you have lived together 11 years, has this been an ongoing issue?
(beatings? ).. if so , why did you choose to remain?
IF not :(if this is a rare occurance if even the first)
then next question comes to mind.
then question #2: What triggered this one?
Most men that do not ususally beat, need a really big thing to
trigger them to do so... what is going on in his life that is
personally affecting him.. to take it out on YOU?
A note:
Any family couselor woudl probably give you this advice.
In instances where there has been a breakdown of respect within a relationship,
that demeans the other, esp in verbal or physical abuse..
a separation is suggested COMPLETE no visit except at a counselors office..
for minimum 6 months upto a year depending on intensity of occurances.
( this being IF both parties want to even try to rebuild the relationship,
both must be willing or it is useless to even consider a separation,
just make the break / or divorce or whatever)
There can be no relationship if either side is unwilling to try to mend it.
Generally , it is left up to the parties to decide who moves out.
Whoever holds the lease on the place or owns the residence,
can also choose to request that police be present, on a scheduled day to get
your things or for him to get his.
If you are the one moving out, then you too can ask police be present.
______________
If a person does not return your items, you can take him to court,
to obain them and or if he has dumped them or sold them ,
you can legally get back full replacement value of such items,
if you have witnesses that can state yes in fact you did have a guitar there
etc.. so this is an avenue you might need to pursue if he does not give you
your belongings. (and vice versa) it works both ways.. so if you move,
take only your things.
In this event, he woudl be issued a court ordered judgement to repay you x $
per month and a set up pymt date would be set.
If he fails to make payment to you, (it being a court ordered judgement,)
then he can be wage garnished next and even picked up /held in jail,
for ignoring a court order.
______________
when 2 folks have broken down to such a level in a relationship,
it makes common sense to not stay when you can live elsewhere in peace
anyhow. If you own the place (you said that you would not leave your own house)
Then, send him a letter thru an attorney if you can, for verification...
(state legal services can do this also, and work on sliding income scale)
(an attorney fee to have a letter drawn up and delivered would not be a high cost)
at minimum, make a copy of original letter.. and send him letter certified,
so you get a reciept back that he dod recive the letter (sig request)
telling him several dates that he can come and get his stuff.
And to notify you as to what dat ehe chooses, what time, and then ask police to be present.
If he does damage to your home while there, or to your belongings,
you can take him to civil court.
(this also works both ways..
so be careful what you do , no matter how upset you are.
____________________
Unfortuneately someone saying *don't mess with me*
is not a threat of physical harm.
Words need to be specific, and or intention explicet.
If he has asked his brother to go get his stuff,
then his brother has a right to do so.
request that police be present to ensure only his stuff gets taken out.
___________________
apparently you are both on same wavelength at least on that.
his brother comming to ge this things, and you wanting him out.
I am sure this will resolve itself as far as the moving business.
whoever has name on lease or owns the residence has more say in who goes.
if it is joint, then you need to reach an agreement as to how you will deal
with mortgage or rental..ie: who will take over the payments.
___________________________
Hang in there time will pass it on by ,
in mean time, don't let yourself do things out of emotional upset,
that might come back and bite you , tempting as it may be right now..
___________
Best of hopes for you in this most stressful time of your life.
Sincerely ,
Love,
Ami Joi Benton
- Re: hi Blueduck. Blueduck
18 y
3,139
This is a reply to # 359,267Wrenn
The laws here are different and they are selectively enforced. I am considered an outsider and all they all want me to do is leave...if there is any thing left of me to leave. It is a rental unit. My name is on the lease along with his, however it only says I "will live here, too." Who knows how they will interpret that ? Answer is, I can go live in the streets, no one cares. He pays the rent. I tried to call the land lord to give him a head's up. He is off island, supposed to return some time today. My ol man took all the spare keys so I am sure that all his family members have them. The door is rigged so they cannot enter as long as I am inside the house. I have about thirty bucks to my name so I cannot change the lock and all a lock does is keep honest people out of here. The entry door is junk. The whole front of the apartment is louver windows, so all any one has to do is toss some thing through the window and they are in. They would do that. The physical abuse started on New Year's Day. It escalated when I started yelling back at him. I am not scared of any man. This is not a man any more it has turned into an animal, I am so sorry to say. Yeah there were some red flags along the way. He has been to hell and back. That is not my problem, I can do nothing about it at all. I can only hope and pray that I will be safe until I get out of here.- hey again Wrenn
18 y
2,693
MoreThis is a reply to # 359,274I sure hope things take a better turn for you.
I am glad you will be getting out.
there must be a womens battered shelter help group on oahu?
to help you stay til you get your bearings and save up to get a
new place or even tickets off Oahu.
here is one link i found; surely they can give you a guide to
programs that can help you thru a 2 month stage to get life
normalized again?
http://www.riveroflifemission.org/ministry_services.html
They can give you realistic advice as pertains to laws on oahu
vs other US states if different.
Umm also do some checking with social security.
in hardship cases/ and you seem to be in one,
you can begin taking ss paymts before retirement age I believe.
Even if you are not catholic, some programs they have,
will help a person one time to get a rental pyment made etc.
so migth check out that resource.
All my best wishes,
There is a poem....
Even this will pass away.
In 2 months you will be on a different road.
(you are already on that road, actually)
Love to you,
Ami Joi Benton
- Re: hey again Blueduck
18 y
3,187
This is a reply to # 359,275Wrenn thanks for your thoughts. I do not want any kind of charity they can keep it. Thanks but no thanks. I refuse to collect welfare, food stamps or any other kind of crap like that. No one in my family has ever done that, we belive in working. I have been unemployed since I met my ol man. I have job skills and will use them. I can make more money than my ol man does if I can get my foot in the door so to speak. I will have my own bank account. I have a huge mess to take care of. My name was on his credit card. His son that is dead was allowed to use the care because they have the same first and last name. A wedding was charged to it. The card was taken on a honey moon.......I am responsible for it. Not one cent has been paid on it. The young man has been dead 5 years now. I will take care of this and restore MY credit to the perfect condition it was in before I began this addicitive relationship. It will take a while, and that is fine. It is another learning experience. I was actually going to shove my pride in the corner and collect all this shit....then I realized that I am better and I can work and I do not need all the freebies. I will leave them for others, less fortunate than I am. God will get me through this. All I have to do is ask and ask I will on my knees tonight and again in the morning. I am a reborn Christian and it is time I go back to that. Now. Let the miracles begin. Thank you Lord !
And thank you Wrenn. Love you my friend.
Blueduck- I can understand Wrenn
18 y
2,744
This is a reply to # 359,282Not wanting to use government programs etc.
They can beome cycles of them selves, that often end up
with whole generations of families attached eventually,
dependent on.
No i never ever meant to check into welfare, or stamps etc.
I was just trying to think RIGHT NOW... where will you sleep tonight,
and get a meal and shower, so you can get your head together,
to think what you need to do.
but I have lived out of a car before lol!
Til I got a paycheck, and hand washed in gas station bathroom.
And I really do understand the homeless issue/since that
was a major part of my childhood.
Some jobs will advance you some money,
if you are honest and say can I have 1/2 my weeks pay
to at least rent a room somwhere.
this is another area you might check out.
Some folks looking for roomates have already paid the
months rent, and will need help the following month,
or be willing to wait a couple weeks for you to come up
with your share.
Since you have lived there 11 years at least,
do you have aNY friend that would let you sleep on couch?
in return for house cleanup / etc? for even a month,
til you get stabilised?
Sure hoping that things work out for you ,
and I am sure they will.
Take time to rest, get alone, go to a park,
and don't think/worry , just let random thoughts
in and toss out ones that will not work for you,
or think of other ways you might accomplish the same thing.
I don't think the cc company can get you for someone elses card,
if he was primary holder (your ex)
the companies will tell you this of course lol !
esp if you can prove it was not your charges and even HIS
family memember.
were you /are you married? esp if not married..
they can't go after you for his familycharges on a card that
was not primarily issued in your name..
you are just an additional card holder on his account,
so he is reponsible. any court would back that up.
or if he took you to court, you would only be repsonsible
MAYBE for only your share.and then at a rate that you can repay,
even if just 10=15 $ a month.
get in contact with your legal aide services and also check
out cc federal commissions protects for cc (companies)
unfair practices.
They cannot harrass you if told to cease all contact with you ,
except by mail they have to comply or face large penalties
if you report them.
They also can't infer that they can take property, or put you in jail,
or threaten cour t action , unless they hav e already begun
steps in that direction. generally a valid cc debt will goto
collections companies/when they do , they stopp having % interest
compounded, and HAVE to accept minimum cost that YOU choose to pay.
so if you honestly can't make payments , seriously ,
let it go for 6 months then it will goto collections,
and the one repsonsible can then pay what they can.
You can also dispute the debt because of all of the above reasons,
but I seriously doubt they can go after you, if you were not
married and just additional card holder.
Legally they can only go after him and they know it..
your state legal aide services can answer this for you ,
and they often give free consultations and esp reduced rates
based on income lvl .
so DO NOT let this be a focal point in your life right now,
and tell them to cease all contact except by mail.
they HAVE to comply/
Love,
Ami Joi Benton
- I can understand Wrenn
18 y
2,744
- Re: hey again Blueduck
18 y
3,187
- hey again Wrenn
18 y
2,693
- Re: hi Blueduck. Blueduck
18 y
3,139
- Here is a shelter finallyfaith
18 y
2,661
This is a reply to # 359,257hi,
i do not know where you are but here is a womens and chidren's shelter in hawaii. if you call i am sure they will help you somehow or another. call and see what they have to say.
http://www.pacthawaii.org/ohia.html
ff- super great Wrenn
18 y
2,686
- Re: Here is a shelter Blueduck
18 y
3,213
This is a reply to # 359,276You see if I was in a womans shelter the family would come in and take every thing that I own here and there would be nothing I can do.My old man already tried that game and that game is thirty years old to me you see ? He said to me, You will go to a shelter. I said no I will not.... My name is on the lease and as long as I am in MY home I can say NO to any one who wants to enter my home except the other lease holder which is my old man. I will not let any one inside here. I been there before and learned that lesson many years ago. If its walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it must be a duck right ? Not always...if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and even smells like a duck, it can still be a snake in disquise. Hey, life is too short. I am born in the year of the snake. I feel like hissing soon. You see I been sober for thirteen years and it is easy to out think any one that drinks. Know what I mean ? Hm.....my ol man does not drink either. He is a Viet Nam vet. MOS Weapon's Specialist. Am I scared of him ? Nope. He claims he taught self defense. Did I see that ? No. Have I ever seen him in action ? No. Do I care if this is all the truth or not ? Not one iota. Do I think he would kill me ? Unsure, do not care. In reality I think I need a restraining order against the family instead of my ol man. I have to talk to my attorney again soon. Will keep you all posted. Thanks again for taking the time for suggestions.
- Re: Here is a shelter Blueduck
18 y
3,402
This is a reply to # 359,276Shelters here employ local people. If I was in a shelter I would return to my HOME to find it empty. I will not go to a shelter. I will not be set up in that fashion. Thanks but no thanks. You need to see the whole picture. I am not afraid of death. Not at all. I do not have that much longer to do my work here on earth, them I go to the next level. Maybe this is where it ends, I do not know. I am not worried about it in fact I could care less. I am busy sorting out my photographs. I have picture of from when I was a baby up until two three weeks ago. I have to finish this job and then I am turning off this damn phone and going to sleep. Take care. Thanks for trying to give me helpful information.
Take care.
Blueduck
- super great Wrenn
18 y
2,686
- Bummer! Southern Belle
18 y
2,778
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