Re: thinking of remembering of child sexua| abuse

it wasnt my parents but i was wondering if u could help me figure out wats rong. i remember when i was a really happy kid who felt connected to the world never shy and fearless. and loved girls an always played little kissing games with them in my grade school days. But around 4th grade it all changed i was really shy around girls and wen ever i would get close to one doing something sexally to them felt like i was doing something bad to them or like something was missing. i would get nervous to even talk to poeple and can never get serious its like theres a mental block and i just push them away almost make them not like me like doing the opposite of wat i really want. i think this could be just me changing or me getting sexually abused as a child. after from that point on i was always sad about something and never could be happy doing things. i would tell my self maybe im just smarter then other humans or differnt. becuase i couldnt engage in things like others like being in the moment and happy i would feel like i was watching myself do it or watching my own life and jsut sitting back its wierd i cant explain it and wen i met this girl it felt like she was the same thing i was like i could finally connect the puzzle and thats wen the bad memory was coming back but i can nver quite remember it