Re: Was it rape?

Was he paraphrasing? You didn't actually say 'No' (it's not in quotes) but you did express your apprehensiveness. "I don't want to do this" would have been a little more assertive than "I don't THINK I want to do this" which is something to keep in mind for the future.

Asking "why are you doing this?" is a little vague and doesn't mean a lack of consent on its own but when combined with the previous statement it is definitely put into context and I think he processed this.

Furthermore, expressing that it's painful is another reason that he should have stopped.

So basically: you did consent to the sex, and you did not withdraw it in a clear manner in any way that I would expect a successful rape charge to be pressed, but I think you were communicating your feelings and based on the reaction he seemed to be ignoring them due to being caught up in the moment, so it was certainly a rape in spirit.

Not as direct or violating as most rapes, I am not going to compare this guy to most of the villains because he was drunk and in the middle of sex and it's very easy for people to convince themselves at moments like with with cognitive distortions that it is okay to keep going.

In the future you should not have sex while intoxicated, avoid anal sex, and if you are going to do penetration I think it's a better idea to have face to face contact because then you can read each other's facial expressions better.

Something like doggy style interferes with communication since you're not facing one another, that's why it's better to do while you're both sober. Tweet