Re: I was born by mistake....

Hey 'been there done that', I'm sorry you had such a hard childhood and I'm sure your conclusions about your own situation are well justified. But to put this person down and assume she is just wishing to escape a 'temporary' and 'uncomfortable' situation is totally NOT taking her message at face value. You are ASSUMING too much. I have lived in her situation, on the father's side of it and my wife left me, I hated that she did that but I know that for her it was the only option available. Depression is not a TEMPORARY UNCOMFORTABLE situation. It is a debilitating illness and can be life threatening in itself. And the situation she has described is harmful to the children as it is.

I grew up in a nice stable Catholic home. My parents SHOULD have separated. By the time I was ten they had broken up but good old dad couldn't handle the extra travel living in another place and pretending to us he was still part of the family. Even though he brought his laundry back to mum and still got dinner at home etc. So he moved back in and mum slept on the couch for the next 8 years till some of the older kids grew up and moved out and she got a room to herself. It takes all sorts of childhoods to mess up a kid, my was a damned nightmare, my earliest memories are of a depressed child of 3 or 4 years old, regressions even found no joy at all there. Would divorce have helped that situation? Hell I don't know but staying together sure DIDN'T.

And suggesting that she will be responsible for the suicide of her children in the way you have is just way out of line. There is such a thing as triggering a person into worse conditions than they already suffer from and if you're really 'been there and done that' then you might be a bit more sensitive to others in situations like this.

Have your opinion, pass on your experience it is valuable indeed. But don't shove it down people's throats and don't accuse people you don't know of being selfish or insensitive to the needs of their children. And don't trivialise their depression, that just being damned selfish and insensitive yourself.

I WAS that father. I never stopped spending time with my kids but I was certainly laid down low by work and that was ultimately what ended our marriage. My situation wasn't the same, but even though I well know the father will have a different side to the story, the situation does have to change somehow. It's no good the way it is right now as I said, it's harmful to everyone involved. And this forum is supposed to be for supporting those in need. I will happily support support this woman in whatever choice she makes, because SHE is the one that knows her situation best and has to live with the consequences of her choice.

And in the long run our choices for many of us are forced on us by the Depression which can become unbearable until we do make that decision. So whether you think it's 'right' or 'wrong' she may end up just having to do what is necessary. She doesn't need your guilt hanging around her neck when and if it comes to that.

' Depression SUPPORT forum'. She came here for support. People who are here to help should be offering support, not here to make things worse.

Andrew. Tweet