Re: help please!! frustrated with fiancee

From a guys point of view, here's my reaction:

He's supporting you and your family (and that's the real primary male role). So he feels he's holding up his end. Being emotionally closer to you is hard for him because you have been depressed and it IS a struggle. When he gets off his stressful day at work and comes home to an also stressful situation with a depressed wife and a flurry of activity with kids - just when he wants to unwind, you can't blame him for shutting off a bit. Or spending time on the phone with his friends as an outlet.

I'm not saying he's doing the best possible, but I DO think if you want to keep the relationship together, you should try to meet him halfway. Concentrate on HIM as much as possible when he gets home, and how HIS day was. I know that with your stress at home with the kids, you're looking for him to share some of your pain as well. But after a stressful days work, there's only so much of that he can deal with.

Coming from a Greek background, family is VERY important to me. He's the father of your kids, the supporter of your family and your first and only real relationship. I'd say you have a lot at stake with him. And you know what? Just by pretending that you're not unhappy or depressed when you're around him, and pretending that you really care about his day and him - you'll actually start to feel that way. And your problems will actually look smaller. All kinds of studies have proven that a forced smile, or forced good mood actually does lift your mood and make you happier.

Marriage and having a family is never easy (especially with 2 small kids). Whether or not you're willing to do what it takes to keep your family together is up to you and depends on your desire. And also if you think you're depressed now, wait until your sole means of support, head of family, and only real relationship you've had picks up his hat and says goodbye. I think it's worth doing what you can, and changing your focus from your own misery to him when he comes through the door after work. Even if your afraid that it ultimately doesn't work out, you won't forgive yourself if you don't give it your all while you can.

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