I think you need some serious professional counseling. I hope you cross posted this in more helpful forums like Depression and love forum. If not I suggest you do because I'm not sure if LOA forum is really appropriate. Your post is suggestive of someone who is overwhelmed. Try to do some yoga, meditation, prayer, EFT tapping (you can download the book at http://www.emofree.com)
but please do consider some professional individual/couples therapy.