Re: Wonderful Post, Typhonblue! Very Well Stated!

You are right about the parental aspect. That should be taken into account when the OP makes her decision how to proceed because it sounds like her boyfriend needs a parental figure(or a way of accessing one inside himself) right now more then he needs(or can handle) a lover.

On the other hand, I was not saying she should treat her boyfriend like a child and make his decisions for him but instead function as a model for more appropriate behavior while stepping away from controlling or taking responsiblity for her boyfriends decisions. (Now that he is percieved as an adult, this is a very difficult position for a person to be in--since no one really can take responsiblility for his actions except for him--not like a parent can for a child. What he really needs is proper parenting. But he cannot go back in time and get that. Nor can she provide it, she can only model the _product_ of proper parenting and hope he catches on. Frustrating!)

Perhaps using the word parent to describe the process was not the best choice. And the suggestion of getting a therapist or outside authority to help as a parental model is really good.