Re: Gentle Guidance Requested

Paulette-

Thank you so much for sharing your story. What difficult and painful memories to recount... I really appreciate your openness and generosity in sharing a such a part of your life with me...

Southern Belle wrote- "So, now my children and I are left behind trying to get past the guilt that we all feel. Nothing will ever make that go away. I know that if I had stayed with him, he would be alive today. (Please no one write and tell me different because I have heard it all before.)"

I feel much the same way; if I leave him, he will have no one, and eventually he will destroy himself. It is bound to happen. My mom (a therapist/ha!) tells me that before he met me he managed to survive, that he did alright for himself, and that if I were to leave him, he would just find another person/woman to feed on. Perhaps this is true, but no one is going to be as dedicated, understanding, and behind him all the way as I am. I don't want to feel the guilt of a rescue gone wrong. I want joy and peace and good days and not so good days with him.

Lightstream- he has become more truthful, lets just say that. He was at one time lying about nearly everything. He had good reason to. He and I are both paranoid sorts who have learned through our lives that we have a f(lipp)ing good reason be paranoid. He has delusions, he lies, he is violent occasionally when he is drunk and angry. Most of these things I think are caused by parasites.

Only once was I afraid of him. I'm 6 ft, 180 and muscular. I know that makes no difference to a weapon, but he is 6'4 and 145 lbs. I can lift him with one arm. He is quite ill, and I am trained in unarming someone if the situation necessitates it. Thank you for bringing it up though. Most women do not have my physical advantage, and it is important to make sure it isn't a problem. He's never hit me. He likes to mess with my head more.

Thank you both for the suggestions. I will certainly take what you have written to heart. I really appreciate the feedback.
Sometimes I just need to know that it isn't insanity to stay with an insane/sick person. Our actions aren't always driven by what is best for ourselves. Often the balance, the compromise is what we need, what we crave.
I know that I have strength for the both of us, but only for so long before I need a break. I just hope that he doesn't do something rash when I show my human frailties.

Thank you again...

love

Becca