Blog: Back to Myself - Summer 2015
by exposure

Day 23 - Feeling Better

Fast Day 23, Small Food, Healing Bum

Date:   2/3/2015 3:05:35 AM   ( 6 y ) ... viewed 657 times

Day 23 today, & my bum is much better! After going for a rather lightheaded bush walk yesterday I realized looking at the dense earth beneath my feet that a good way to describe what came out of me was like packed ground or something clay-like. I passed a little more of it yesterday, using the enema helper again & I did eat a little more food - besides the bit of toast & eggs, in the evening I made a small amount of paleo butter chicken & a stewed a few small plums I had been given from the retreat & today passed more normally, feeling much better, normal again today in my energy, the lightheaded dizziness is gone & I've had quite a busy day, a little bit more food but less than yesterday - just a few coconut chips, a pickled radish, a little bit of apricot sorbet I had made earlier with my fruit tree's harvest and half a very tiny can of tuna, which I might finish off tonight if I feel like it - I got my period 3 days ago but it's so light it's really only a smudge which is another reason it's probably good to eat a little bit for a few days at this stage - I've found in the past it's a good idea to take some food at that time - probably a little meat especially.
Still feeling quite solidly on the fast - was able to shop today, bought a canteloupe - melon juice is pretty much my favorite and got some more good quality milk for kefir etc, will go back onto that tomorrow & continue on the liquid diet as I was before the painful clay ball with the addition of at least an extra 2 glasses of warm water per day, will make the transition from having a small amt of food for a few days by just drinking a bit more, having a glass of kefir or a cantaloupe juice and feel pretty happy about that, nice way to transit. From there I'm going to continue on with the liquid diet, closing the gates for another spell of days, perhaps until my next period towards the end of Feb if all goes well.
The warm weather has returned, gloriously - really felt like popping my kayak on the roof today and going for a paddle which I haven't done yet this season, just been so busy and away so much - plus no one to go with with my bf working afternoons & away all the time. He's come back home now after a difficult weekend and being banished last week - with admonitions of going in the wrong direction with the drink & weed & promises not to continue down that path - well, I told him I thought he should really just move out for 6 months and that if he does it again, betraying my trust, it'll be worse than that next time. I don't like giving endless chances etc, I don't know how I'm feeling about this - it's good to have him back, & we have much to get on with - he does seem to recognize his problems, though I don't know how that equates to being able to avoid their recurrance... I know I'm going to be most wrathful if there is another time any time in the next 3-6 months - I'm totally over it. I basically told him if it happened again I would just break up with him & that I couldn't take the dramas and the disappointment of having my trust betrayed anymore. If he's going to lie to me and hide things (other than presents!) etc. I told him he should very seriously find a place to go to so that if he does find he's having a relapse with alcohol or drugs etc he can go there so as not to destroy our relationship because under no uncertain terms bringing that rubbish here will be the beginning of a new level of pain - and basically a big breakup. I can't think of how else to enforce my boundaries then to just up the stakes which brings me to a place where I have to then carry out the promises I've made. As stated, I'm totally over his disrespect of my boundaries - he's got a great big world to go get trashed in if he so desires, he doesn't need to bring that energy here. Drinking whole bottles of hard stuff by himself in his room at night etc - it's depressing, pathetic, stupid, he has the dharma, he needs to manage his emotions in a better way than that if he wants to be with me cuz I'm not having that in my life. I really don't care how f***ed up our society is or how common the shit behavior, morals, lack of ethics, discipline what have you is out there - personally I don't live off McDonalds & TV, I'm into health, the spiritual path, ethics & common sense, even if this puts me in a minority I'd rather be a minority of one than live with such foolishness & depression. He'd better do what he says this time & keep his commitments or there will be hell to pay... All that jazz about a woman's wrath is true. You should be nice to them & follow their good sense instead of selfish, stupid, destructive desires that only lead to suffering... He told me he won't be finding any place to stay to go and get drunk, etc & that I'm right about pot as it was totally shutting down his dream practice etc - let's just see because I basically only trust people to be as they are & how he is from now is up to him... Lol, his ears must have been burning because he just called me & when I told him what I was writing he said I don't have to worry, he wants a good life with me... Well, like I said, we'll see... talk is cheap.
Had to go to town today so I didn't get out for my bushwalk & now it's too late, sun is going down - I did get my 2nd Hand bike trainer today tho & set it up on the porch & did some pedaling, so that was pretty groovy -- It's Tuesday night now, looks like I'm finally going to have a weekend here at home - & the tenants in the city house are texting me again today saying that the couple upstairs are dealing ice & having lots of foot traffic through the place & that they're hearing loud squabbles about it - so looks like I'm going to have to give them notice, well - they always paid the rent & seemed like nice kids, sounds like they're getting a bit loose in the house & hearing they're into that stuff is just no good, hope they just re-locate peacefully & the house is full of good eggs for awhile after that - so many people on that stuff these days, its pretty epidemic, I don't think they're going to be too much trouble though, just need to re-locate because they're disturbing the other tenants...
All in a day's work huh? Think I'm going to work on my transcribing tonight because I haven't got to finish off this other job yet & would like to get it done & sent off -- Best Wishes to all of you out there - More Blogging to come soon, I enjoy keeping my fast journals here on curezone

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