I just got out of the hospital and I had a horrible time by luckyhope Blog entry

Blog: Luckyhopes journey out
by luckyhope

I just got out of the hospital and I had a horrible time

I went to the hospital and had a horrible time. My room mate made me think I smell.

Date: 5/13/2014 2:09:49 PM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 1597 times

So I went into the hospital a week ago. I went because my computer was acting up and I thought it was the devil. It started out good. I didn't have a room mate and people were being nice to me. One girl even asked me to have dinner with her.

Then they moved me to another room. There I had a room mate. When I came there she had the door closed but in the morning she opened it and kept it open. I was there with her for like 5 days and she only closed the door 3 times. 2 times at night to sleep and one time when she was getting dressed.

I felt like I smelled so bad because she would never close the door. I didn't go to any group activities. I barely left my room. And when I did I stayed far away from people. The only day I actually went out of my room was when I was leaving. I sat in the rec room with my mom until they got all my paper work together.

When I was in the rec room there was people there. They acted as if nothing was wrong. They were just sitting there. Then the nurse came with my paper work and she explained some things to me. She asked if we could move over to the chairs. We did and she sat right next to me. She acted as if nothing was wrong.

Then after that we went to JCPenny's. I didn't want to go but my mother basically made me. We shopped and got in line without a person having a reaction. People were being close to me and everything. And nothing happened.

I don't know what to think. When I was around people they treated me the same way they always do. But my room mate treated me like I smelled.

I go to the doctor on Monday. I don't want to go but I have to. He also signed me up to go to this program where they desensitize you to people. They drive you to places where it's crowded and make you stay there. I don't want to do it but I have to.

I think what happened was a blessing in disguise. I was sitting in this room waiting. Doing nothing. And now I have to go out. And be around people. Even if I do smell I need to see it's not that bad. And I can overcome it. And be brought to love.

I get mixed reactions from people. I get people being close to me. Sitting close to me. Standing in line close to me. But I also sometimes get people not wanting to be in the room with me with the door closed. Only god knows what it's all about. I know I don't. I have to find a way to put my faith in him.

I told god I would be willing to smell if that was his will for me. To be closer to him. To have only him in my life. I would be willing to smell. And deal with it. But then that good stuff happened. I don't know where I'm being brought to. I don't know what all of this means. All I know is I'm here.