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My delusion of the devil is going away
My delusion of the devil and how I'm breaking free of it thanks to the voices.
Date: 4/7/2014 7:49:20 PM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 1241 times Yes...I have the delusion of smelling but that's not my only delusion. I also have the delusion that the devil is trying to get my soul. I've had it for a little longer than a year. It was a miserable delusion to have. I would be so afraid that I would sleep in my moms room. I never wanted to be alone.
It came to the point that with medication I was able to get back to a somewhat normal life but the fear was still there. It mostly occurred at night though. Or when I was home alone. Now for a little while now the voices have been saying that the devil isn't real. He was made up by your mind. He's a delusion.
But I had a hard time believing it. Until last night. Now when I smoke weed at night I hallucinate about the devil. But last night was different. The voices started telling me that the devil was not really there. That I used him to do things I never would have done otherwise.
Now before the devil came I was locked in my room most of the time. And would feel extreme fear around people. But when the devil came I came out of my room. I would do things like lay in the bed with my niece or mom. I would lay around downstairs and my dad would sit at my feet. I wouldn't run away when a visitor came over.
Then I went in the hospital and felt more love than I have felt in a long time. When I got out I was still afraid of the devil so I went out everywhere. I would go wherever my mom or dad went. I wouldn't be in the house alone. I refused to be alone most of the time.
Well I said all of that to say the voices said god was the devil. That he used my fear of the devil to get me out. To show me what I can do. The voices told me to use the schizophrenia. They assured me the devil wasn't real. That it was all a figment of my imagination and to not be afraid.
I'm slowly breaking free from it. And that's amazing. That fear was my worst fear ever. I'm just glad it's almost over.
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