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I feel so depressed
Depression because of my delusions.
Date: 4/21/2014 5:01:52 PM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 1198 times I could be so much farther along in my life if it wasn't for this. I'm so depressed about what happened yesterday. I feel so worthless. I've gotten to the point where I don't even feel human anymore. I don't think I deserve love. Not the way I am. I fear that I won't change. That this is what it's going to be like forever.
I know that's not true but that's how I feel. It makes me so depressed. I came so far only to be taken back here. It's like a never ending cycle. I get better then I get worse. Sigh... When will it be over. I don't want to die like this. I want my life back.
No one seems to understand me. I just need to get this out. It's been so long. I just want to get better. I want to feel like a person again. And not a thing. I want to feel confident. I've always been a good person. But that goodness doesn't seem to find me anywhere. I try my hardest to help others but I feel like there is no help for me.
It's like I feel safest when depressed. But I don't want to feel this way anymore. This is all I've known for 8 years. Except for the 6 months I went out. I know in a few months I could be singing a different tune but for now this is what it's like being me. My mind works against me. I'm lost between two worlds. I just want to come back to reality. Is that too much to ask?
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