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2/5/14: So very disappointed, sad, and I really need SPRING!
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
Date: 2/6/2014 5:06:05 PM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 11187 times February 5, 2014
“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.” ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
I am disappointed that I didn't get a snow day. We didn't get much snow. Only about 3 inches were all the counties around us got more (I knew this would happen). We were only on a Level One and all the countries around us were a Level Two. The bad thing about it is that the roads were horrible. They were covered with ice. I woke up early to see how bad it was and if it was bad enough that I wouldn't be able to get out of my drive way. (No such luck). I went out to my car around 6:45 and started to de-snow and de-ice it. It wasn't as bad as it looked. But getting to work was. It took me over 45 minutes when it normally takes me only 15 minutes at the latest.
Well, the other secretary didn't come in, as she said she couldn't get out of her drive way. Of course, since she only works 3 stinking days a week and Wednesday being her last day. So she will have a 5 day weekend. Ugh! She could have at least came in around Noon. I hate running the office by myself, because I don't get paid extra for doing it. And it seems like I am doing it more and more.
So I was in a grumpy mood all day. And so wasn't the Mean Attorney because he failed to take some important course/seminar last year. So it was not a good day.
Plus, I end up transferring $22.00 from my saving to my checking so I could buy some more food since I was eating again and it wasn't within my budget. I didn't even grab a can of soup for lunch today (as I really thought I wouldn't have to work, so I wasn't prepared) So Friday I will have to put not only $30.00 ($10.00 for last week and $20.00 for this week) but a total of $52.00, to make it to what it should be. Ugh! I don't want to do that! As well as I have to still pay my P. O. box fees of $24.00 as well as other things. GAH! I hate February, because it is such a short month and I have to cram all these bills, plus tags for my car and other things in this stupid month.
Yeah, it will be my birthday next week too. Another thing to be extremely grump about as well.
I would have loved to have a snow day to snug with my Mekong and read some books and mess with my guitar. But did I? No!
Sigh.
I am starting to hate my goals. And that I am not getting any where. No where with the Cowboy. No where in this stupid snow. And No where with me life. Maybe it is because I live alone. I don't know. I just know that I am depressed, I am lonely and I am tired of trying so hard to make something of my life, because I AM alone. I wonder what my life would be like if I had a child. I probably would be very busy and stressed out, but I would be happy. Sigh. Why is my life that way it is? Why can't it change and be like other people's lives. Filled with family and friends. Filled with living life with being close to others. Instead of this constant loneliness and silence that is my empty trailer on long nights.
Sigh.
I knew I wouldn't accomplish much today. My mood is not good. I am very negative, but that is because I just don't see how I am getting any where.
I went grocery shopping again, after I transferred some money. I was able to make a good dinner, and I was kind of proud of myself for find a healthy and affordable way to have a taco. That should have made me happy, but it didn't. Nothing does much anymore.
I can't wait until Spring. I really need sunlight and happiness. I really really really hate this loneliness. It is slowly killing me inside. I can only ignore it so long by working on goals, reading books and trying to ignore that my life really sucks, because I have no life with anyone. Sigh. I really miss the Cowboy. He has been really quiet and that make me miss him even more. I would love to hear his voice. I wonder if he will wish me a happy birthday this year. Probably not.
Sigh, Oh well.
The Things that I accomplished already today are:
February 5, 2014
√ Make my bed
√ Feed, love and snuggle with my kitties
√ Read a little
√ Check my pipes
√ Call my Dad
The Things I want to accomplish before I go to bed:
February 5, 2014
Work on my Budget
Read more (Finish a book if possible)
WEEKLY GOAL FOR FEBRUARY 2nd 2014 – FEBRUARY 8th, 2014
LEARN NUMBES IN FRENCH: I haven't worked on this today.
WRITE IN JOURNAL: I haven't worked on this today.
FIND GARDENING NOTEBOOK: I haven't worked on this today.
TAKE PICTURES OF BICKLE (2): I took one picture of Bickle against the huge snow pile by the Courthouse today.
CROCHET/KNIT:I haven't worked on this today.
FINISH A BOOK: I haven't worked on this today other then reading just a little. I am not in a good mood.
READ BIBLE: I haven't worked on this today.
MAKING VALENTINES FOR S. & A.: I haven't worked on this today.
WATER FAST: I haven't figured out when I am doing this next. Probably not until sometimes next week. Maybe next Monday, February 10th.
TUNE GUITAR: I haven't worked on this today.
WRITE 1,000 WORDS ON MY NOVEL:I haven't worked on this today.
WRITE ROUGHT DRAFT OF BICKLE STORY: I haven't worked on this today.
MY FOOD LOG FOR: February 5, 2014
BREAKFAST: None
DRINK: 8 ounces of Bigelow's Green tea with Pomegrante
SNACK: None
DRINK: Water
LUNCH: None
SNACK: None
DINNER: (Approximately 7:30 p.m.) Two soft totilla shells, with one hamburger, chopped up and divided for two, a little bit of cheese, two scoops of each of Mexican layered dip (Refried beans, sour cream, cheese, tomatoes and green onion)
DAILY MORALE: Disappointed, sad, lonely and tired
POSITIVE THING: Nothing, that I can think of.
EXERICISE: Walking, 3.25 miles
WATER INTAKE: Approximately 12 ounces
WEIGHT: 143 pounds
2nd WATER FAST WEIGHT: 143 pounds (2/3/14-2/4/14 (2 days))
INITIAL STARTING WEIGHT: 147 pounds (1/20/14 -1/24/14 (5 days))
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