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1/18/14: Disappointed, lonely and wondering.
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
Date: 1/22/2014 3:47:19 PM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 1216 times January 18, 2014
“If you expect nothing from anybody, you’re never disappointed.” ~ Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
Day 4 of Pre-fast ( 2 days until water fast launch – January 20th.)
I hate to say that the start of a Saturday in disappointment is never a good start of the day. D. really didn't say much to me after J. canceled our get together. I think he was really disappointed too. J. texted me off and on. She apologized for canceling and explained herself. I told her that it was okay, that I understood. A person can only take so much. She told that the guys knew about coming up to her house (which is about 45 minutes away from their house) since 11:00 a.m. In the morning, and they still where not ready or left their house by 4:25 p.m. And she just got tired of the procrastination and waiting for them. I know that D. and N. can procrastinate. They are guys and it wasn't life or death, so why would they rush for a time limit. I told her that. I told her that with D., I just roll with the punches, as life is too short to worry about a person being on time, when all they are doing is spending time with you. She texted me as well as sent a message per Facebook very early in the morning as she was so upset because she felt that N. was mad at her for canceling the weekend plans. I told her that N. would get over it, and that she wasn't wrong for getting upset or fed up when she had been waiting all day for them to show up. I guess she had told her daughter, L., that D. was coming earlier so his daugher, S., and L. could play before she went to her Grandmother's for the weekend. J. told me that L. leaves about 5:00 p.m. So when the guys weren't there by 4:25 p.m. She just got fed up since L. was crying because she wasn't going to get to play with S. I found out that S. didn't go to school that say, because D. didn't get up on time, to get S. on the bus. So she was home all day. D. probably stayed up all night or something like that.
Anyway, J. was fretting and fussing over N. not talking to her. I told her to relax. Gosh, I hope I never act that insecure about a guy around either the guy or other women. Of course, I am very insecure about D. and how he feels about me, but I have realized long ago, that more insecure you act around a guy, the more edgy and withdrawn they get. Men like confident women, and I told J. this. I told her that insecurity is fine, but there is a fine line with a woman really needs to show it, because it is a downer for most guys, and for most people. I wasn't telling her that she needed to hide it. She just needed to focus on herself and being herself and not worry so much about N. and what N thinks. All she told me is that she didn't want to lose him. I wanted to tell her (but didn't) if she was going to lose N., there was nothing she could do about it. A person can't control when, a person wants to spend time with you or why they don't want to. I just told her to play it cool and focus on other things in her life and be positive about things. Just like the weekend plans that were canceled slide off her back and move on.
I can't say much about J. about N., because their love is a new love, and she is focused on it. She ended up calling me later in the afternoon, and we talked for about an hour and a half. I tried to give her the best advice I could. Stay cool, don't fret, be positive and don't pester him about when he is going to see her again. I found out that they had been only dating officially since December 5th, which isn't very long. If I know N., I am sure they have gotten physically already with each other, which never helps things with a woman who is feeling insecure about things. J. told me that they don't know each other well, and she needs to get to know him, but he doesn't spend a lot of time with her. I told her then talk to him. I told her to talk about things or ask him things, just like I did with D. When I first met D., we chatted for hours per text and on the phone about various things. It sounds like to me when they do text, she says “I love you and miss you” and “when can I see you again”. I told her maybe she needs to show an interest in his leather working, or his novel writing. She was just so worried. I also reminded her that he was going to college during the week, as well as trying to do homework and deal with living at home (where his mother is a non-medicated bi-polar person). I am sure N. gets busy, just like D. gets busy when he isn't talking to me.
So my motivation wasn't what I wished it to be, since I had the whole weekend to be lazy, and really nothing to look forward to, especially since I would be water fasting on Monday (which was another day off for me) and still wishing that I could have spend the long weekend with D. and S.
DAILY GOALS
The Things that I accomplished already today are:
January 18, 2014
√ Fed my cats and loved on them
√ Made my bed (sort of, since I spend a lot of time in it reading)
√ Picked up trash
√ Read A lot
√ Finished a book
√ Called my Dad
√ Talked to 2 people on the phone (J. and my Neighbor, K.)
√ Write Morning pages (6 pages)(caught up)
√ Work on my Budget
The Things I want to accomplish before I go to bed:
January 18, 2014
Take a Vitamin
Fold clothing
Read more
WEEKLY GOAL FOR JANUARY 12th -JANUARY 18th, 2014
WORK ON BUDGET: I worked on my Budget some more. I worked up the Half Time (mid-month budget summary) I wasn't planing on purchasing anything today, so I ended the day on my budget.
WRITE IN JOURNAL 7 TIMES: I was able to write 6 pages worth of my life today. I am caught up from the other day. I am sure years from now, it will be such an interesting read.
FINISH A BOOK: I finished Prisoner of the Horned Helmet by James Silke and Frank Frazetta. And I started Floating Worlds by Cecelia Holland. I should finish that book by the end of the week, as well as I picked up another book, that was waiting to be fully finished. It is Martin the Warrior by Brian Jacques. I have a little over a hundred pages to read on that one. I don't know why I put it down in the first place. So, it looks like I might be able to finish two books for my goal next week as well. I have finished 5 books so far this year. My goal is 60 books. I only have 55 more books to go.
CROCHET 5 TIMES: Nope. I really thought I might be doing this if I was spending time with D. this weekend, but I kind of scraped this as a goal. It was a total zero, just like reading my Bible was.
READ BIBLE 7 TIMES: I haven't touched it yet. It is kind of a bummer that I am really failing on this goal.
SAVE $20.00 IN SAVINGS: This goal was a major success for two weeks in a row!
ROUGH OUT STEAMPUNK COSTUME IDEA: I have a rough idea what I want to wear, and how I want it to look so I can say this this idea is accomplished. Maybe next week, I will add DRAW OUT A SKETCH OF STEAM PUNK COSTUME IDEA to finish it out.
START WATER FAST: It look like I will start my fast on Monday, January 20, 2014, since I made the decision to start then, and enjoy Sunday eating a little. I know I could have started on Sunday, but I am still a little bummed out on not seeing Daniel and I might want to eat a little bit to comfort myself, as well as unfortunately, I started my monthly cycle, which means my body will WANT to eat.
Most of my day was just laying, taking naps with Mekong and reading my books. I had no motivation and I didn't even exercise, which I know is horrible, but I really didn't feel like it. Maybe it was because it was the weekend. And sometimes on the weekend, I really slack off on what I normally do. Or maybe it was because I was so bummed out that D. had said anything to me all day either. I can't say my weekend will reek, but I do know that I would have been happier if I could have seen him.
Sigh, Oh well. Life goes on. At least I am still at 149 pounds, which is a great thing to think about and be positive about.
MY FOOD LOG FOR : January 18, 2014
BREAKFAST: (About 8:00 .m.) Two Clementines
DRINK: Water
SNACK: (Around 10:00 a.m.) A large Ruby Red Grapefruit
DRINK: Water
LUNCH: (Around 12:00 p.m.) A bowl of Campbell's Chunky Beef with County Veggies. (whole can)
SNACK: (About 2:00 p.m.) 1 Clementine
DINNER: 3 cups of mixed veggies (Carrots, cauliflower and broccoli), and 2 cups sliced mushrooms,
DAILY MORALE: Bummed out
POSITIVE THING: I got to talk to J. and my neighbor, K. It was nice to really “talk” to someone.
EXERICISE: Walking, 1.2 miles
WATER INTAKE: Approximately 25 ounces
WEIGHT: 149 pounds
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