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1/12/14: Feeling down and without purpose.
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
Date: 1/13/2014 5:06:36 PM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 8517 times January 12, 2014
“To be me is to be different...” ~ Robert Fanney, Dreams of the Ringed Vale
I know that I am different, and that is probably one reason why I am alone this far in my life. Just because I believe in moving toward and working on something of substance, and not just jump on the band wagon of love or rash decisions as others might. Maybe that is because I have no one to catch me if I fall. I have to be responsible and think things out, because there is no one that would step up and take care of me if something horrible happen. It is sad and almost pathetic.
One reason why I hate weekends, because I spend a lot of time alone, and all that thinking makes me worry more and feel less confident that I am going where I really want to go. It is harder to see where I have really gotten any where in the last 5 years other than working my job during the week, and struggle with my deep dreams on the weekends.
Sigh,
What do I really want? Do you really want to know? Probably not. I just want simple things. A man that loves me and wants to share my love for adventure and all things new with me. A man that has children, so I might enjoy being someone special in their lives. And if I was really lucky get married, have a child of my own. But it just seems like a pipe dream. I currently love someone right now that has rejected me. I was his girlfriend, and something changed and he doesn't want me. Same ole, same ole. I can't complain, because I know where this will lead me. Sadness and unhappiness. But I can't change how I feel unless I just walk away from how I feel, and that is impossible for who I am. I wish it was easy. I wish finding my dreams were easier as they are for others. It really reeks, to the point of depression.
I guess that is why I have to focus on other things, because my deep dreams are unattainable, as I can see them. A couple times they have been within reach only to dart away like a dragonfly on the breeze.
Oh well, Such is my life.
The Things that I accomplished already today are:
January 12, 2014
√ Fed my cats and loved on them
√ Made my bed
√ Write Morning pages (Journal 3 pages)
√ Take a Vitamin
√ Read a Little
√ Clean out Wallet
√ Balance check book
√ Gather reciepts/ Separate
√ Work out Budget list in notebook
The Things I want to accomplish to night:
January 10, 2014
Knit a little
Read a little
Read the Bible
Water plants
Pick out/organize garden seeds
MY WEEKLY GOALS:
WORK ON BUDGET: I got my budget stuff organized and receipts all sorts, and accounted for. I wrote down my projected budget for the week, and all the spaces for the daily purchases, if I make any. I had to write down all the ones I did on Saturday. I do have to say that my set up is quite nice and I am very proud of it. I can see where all my money is going and how it is being spent. I used to use this set up back in 2011 and I could see how much I was spending on fast food and stuff. I could really see myself wasting money through this documentation. For example, I was able to see that on December 31, 2013, I spent $95.00 while I was with the Cowboy, his brother and his brother's girlfriend. Most of the money was spent on alcohol, which most of it wasn't even mine to drink! GAH! I have to stop being so free with my money.
WRITE IN JOURNAL 7 TIMES: I wrote in my journal. Yay!
FINISH A BOOK: I finished one! Hercules: The Vengeance of Hera by John Gregory Betancourt. It was really good. I loved it. I am looking for the next one in the serious. It was one of the books that I bought at Brad's Book store on Saturday.
CROCHET 5 TIMES: Nope. I haven't crochet at all yet.
READ BIBLE 7 TIMES: I should have started today since it is a Sunday, but I just have no motivation for it yet. I am working on it.
SAVE $20.00 IN SAVINGS: I have my Budget all set up and mocked out to have $20.00 taken out on Friday. No reason why I shouldn't since I won't be hurting for it.
ROUGH OUT STEAMPUNK COSTUME IDEA: I have some rough ideas, but they are still very, very rough.
START WATER FAST: I was planing on starting my Water Fast on Sunday, but I wasn't ready. I still have some fresh veggies to eat, so I just decided to start it on a Monday, which might be easier since I can act like I didn't pack my lunch, and I don't have any money to get anything, and just go home and relax in bed, to keep my mind off of being hungry.
MY FOOD LOG FOR: January 12, 2014
BREAKFAST: (about 9:00 a.m.) Subway 6 inch Spicy Italian sub with provolone cheese with spinach, green peppers, onions, lots of black olives, yellow banana peppers, and mayo.
DRINK: 44 ounce of Brisk Raspberry Ice Tea (Still drinking it)
SNACK: (11:00 a.m.) Half of Red Delicious apple
DRINK: Water
LUNCH: (Approximately 1:15 a.m.) 4 cups of sugar snap peas and carrots, Steamed
SNACK: None
DINNER: (approximately 4:00 p.m.) A can of Cheese ravioli
DAILY MORALE: Tense and lonely
POSITIVE THING: Mekong was playing with her brown hair band. It made me smile
EXERICISE: walking, 1.06 miles, 12 squats
WATER INTAKE: Appropriately 8 ounces
WEIGHT: 150 pounds
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