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2/13/13: Reality is harsh and dreams are just dreams.
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
Date: 2/14/2013 1:23:00 PM ( 11 y ) ... viewed 10064 times February 13, 2013
Day 2 of water fast
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” ~ Bill Watterson,
I regret a lot of things in my life. I regret being so responsible that I have missed out on having my own family and children. I have always been a hard worker, and always working to support myself, to the point that the reality of it all, as kind of ruined my life. I have had people tell me that men are intimated by a woman that is independent. I don't know if that is true, but it feels like it. Why wouldn't a man want a woman that can budget, pay her own bills, cook, clean, and still have fun? Are they afraid that a woman will not need a man? I do what I have to do, because I have no choice. I have no man to help me change my oil in my car, or find out that the clunky-clink noise is. I have no man that will help me mow the lawn. It isn't that I want a man to “do” these things for me. I want to share my life with him.
Reality is always happy or cheerful. Reality is hard and painful. I have known this since I was a teenager. I guess that is why I have tried so very hard as I was growing up to find the “little” things in life to enjoy. Well, I am having a hard time finding those little things. D. robbed me of much of my happiness, because I found a lot of happiness in doing things with him. Hiking, walking, debating, chatting, gardening, biking, watching movies, looking at stars, etc. Just wondering if there is a little bit of happiness for me left to savory in the future.
I am doing well with my water fasting. Well, I have drank a lot of water, but I am sure to pick up tomorrow or Friday, after I have made it to Day 4.
My goals:
WATER FAST GOAL: I am still feeling pretty good. I am not feeling icky or ill. I took a long shower last night, lightly scrubbing my body. I haven't been drinking a lot of water. I think it is because if I drink too much water, it makes me feel more hungry if I do. So I only drink as it is needed. I have noticed that my arms and legs are looking a bit more toned. I think the last fast helped whittle a bit of fat here and there off of my body. I am not saying that my body has a lot of fat, but I could see pockets of it on my upper thighs and my upper arms. Now, when I pinch the skin, it doesn't pucker out with fat, as it did before, so it is slowly being reduced. I had a slight BM on Monday, that I forgot to mention, but it wasn't much as well. I really don't know much is in me, since I wasn't eating much to begin with when I started my fast. I had just come off of being ill with something, so I was eating mostly soup. Anyway, I did a slight massage of my abdomen, after I watching a video on YouTube about massaging your abdomen. I hope it helps move stuff out of my system, as well as helps me lose the chunky fat I have. At least I can see the difference now. It is a move toward something better and healthier for me.
CLEAN GOAL: I am so failing at this.
READING GOAL: I haven't read anything. I have been watching movies on YouTube when I get home from work. Snuggling down in my blankets and watching a movie until I fall asleep. If anything, I am sleeping better, because my TV isn't on all night. So once the movie is over, my phone goes to sleep, and it is quiet in the bedroom until my alarm wakes me up in the morning.
WII GOAL: No luck on doing anything with this yet.
REWARD: I have no reward in mind yet.
I haven't given any thought of newer goals, because I am not able to finish the simple ones that I have listed. I don't think this goal thing is working for me very well. I could be a number of things: Depression, heartbreak, cold and just sadness. Am I sad? Yes, deep down I am. Honestly, I am able to hide it very well, with a smile here and a laugh here, but when I am alone and the busy things of the day slow down, my heart cries.
I have been wondering if I am fasting more for myself or I am fasting because I want a change something for the positive in my life, so that it might be seen by others. Do I secretly wish that D. will see a beautiful change in me, by fasting? Do I hope that by fasting, it will help heal my broken heart? Honestly, at this point, I do not know, because I still feel very emotional about things. I do know that fasting is giving me strength and a concrete hold on what is going on in my life. Is this what is best for me, right now?
I wish I knew what direction my life was going to go, and if who I loved is hopeless path that I am taking. I wish I had comfort knowing that God would guide me into something better, than what I have now.
Maybe I am just being a stick in the mud about things. I used to enjoy so much in life. Flying a kite, taking a walk or a hike, riding my bike, enjoying historical reenactments, swimming, looking at the stars, crafting, reading, working on my novel, etc, etc. Now, I really don't find any pleasure in much as all. I think D. sucked all the enjoyable things in life out of my soul. Pain can rob a lively soul, and that is what has happened to me. How can I explain that I am usually very excited about gardening, but my main thought is “I really could care less if Spring comes or not, because gardening isn't a priority for me right now.” Maybe that is why it is so hard to clean or exercise or even read. Nothing amuses me. Nothing makes me smile inside. Yes, I know I am depressed. It isn't uncommon to happen when your heart has been ripped out.
Okay, I am going to try to talk about health. At least this is what I am striving for. A healthier me. I am really doing a lousy job at it, other then water fasting.
I found this article on http://www.shakeoffthegrind.com/emotional-health/6-keys-to-creating-a-happier...
I think these are good keys to happiness, when they all work out together. Some of them might be hard to achieve, while others are easier to accomplish.
Keys to happiness
Happiness is an emotion, and just like all other emotions it’s fleeting and impermanent, however there are certain activities and ways of living that can help us create a happier life.
Below you’ll find some keys to happiness.
1. Having a healthy mind and body
Healthy mind
Do you have strategies for reducing stress? These can include everything from stretching, exercising, deep breathing, disputing negative thoughts and beliefs, creating more balance in your life, and having moments of amusement and humor.
Healthy body
A healthy body can come from increasing your consumption of fresh fruits and vegetables, eating whole grains, limiting animal fat, taking vitamins every day, and cutting back on sugar and caffeine. This will not only improve your emotional state but will give you greater energy and confidence.
2. Feeling good about yourself
Happiness ultimately comes from within. We all have positive traits and things to be proud of. Feeling good about ourselves can come from using our signature strengths and developing greater self-awareness about our personality, skills, talents, and values. As we develop greater self-awareness about who we are, we can begin to accept where we are in the present moment and experience a sense of peace, serenity, and contentment. This will lead us to have more moments of joy and happiness.
3. Facing problems honestly
We are not going to be problem free for our entire life, and happiness can’t protect us from life’s woes. This doesn’t mean focus on problems, worries, and regrets, but it does mean we can hold realistic expectations and meet whatever may happen with positivity. We can handle more and do more than we realize. When we respond to life’s difficulties with a sense of hope and responsibility, we can work through these effectively and become a better person because of it.
4. Being satisfied and appreciate what you have
I recently wrote a post at PsychCentral that discusses the idea of how money relates to life-satisfaction. The research I read explained that it’s not how much we have, but our perception of what we have. This is similar to many domains of life. Our expectations and perception is a major factor in the level of satisfaction we have. It’s possible to never be satisfied despite countless accomplishments, possessions, and opportunities. If you want to amplify your happiness, learn to appreciate the little things, and be grateful for what we have.
5. Focus on others and have good friends
Do you have friends and family that affirm and encourage your positive qualities? What about people who you can help and offer support to? Friends and family bring a deep sense of joy and communality, and can increase positive energy and that which is good in us. Relationships offer us a chance to do kind acts for others, and to receive support when needed. Reaching beyond ourselves and serving others will offer a sense of meaning and compassion.
6. Enjoying life
Do you enjoy your life overall? Do you find there are meaningful experiences and times when you really cherish what you do? Finding moments of pleasure and having fun are all important to increasing happiness. We all have the ability to experience greater happiness, but this is only possible by seeking outside hobbies, spending time with friends, and finding moments of inspiration and excitement. Look for the adventure and meaning that fills you life and start engaging more fully every day.
Acting intentionally and taking responsibility for our happiness if freeing and gives us greater control of our feelings. You can begin to develop your own plan to being happier according to your personal needs and values. Practice taking control of your happiness today by using your strengths, being content with what you have, engaging in life, and building positive relationships.
I guess I have along way to go when it comes to making my life happier then it is.
DAILY MORALE: Indifferent and semi emotional
EXERICISE: Walked 2.31 miles
WATER INTAKE: Approximately 20 ounces
WEIGHT: 140
STARTING WEIGHT: 141 pounds (2/12/13)
INITIAL STARTING WEIGHT: 150 (1/28/13)
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