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2/7/13: I struggle, but I have not quit yet.
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
Date: 2/13/2013 3:40:09 PM ( 11 y ) ... viewed 1103 times February 7, 2013
Day 11 of water fast
“Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever.” ~ Lance Armstrong,
Honestly, I never liked Lance Armstrong much. I don't know why. Maybe it was because he was riding on the hype of all his success. I was happy that he beat cancer, but it wasn't that I didn't like about him. There was just something very cocky about him that was a major turn off for me. Nevertheless, it is true, pain in only temporary. And I am feeling pretty nasty right now. I am not surprised, because I usually peak with detoxification around Day 11 to Day 15. Usually by Day 15, I either muddle through as best I can, or I break my fast. I am really going to try to see this through, but if I don't, it isn't really quitting. I am not quitting on improving my lifestyle and becoming more healthy then I am.
I am not currently ill with anything, but I rather take charge now, then be told down the line by a doctor that he will have to take charge because I have allowed myself to get so unhealthy. I have one or two choices. Making it voluntary or allow it to become involuntary. I would rather it be voluntary.
I am feeling really ill, and I have to fight to keep moving, because all I want to do is rest and relax once I get home. Taking a shower at night just wipes me out, just like walking up stairs at work. When I get home, I take a long hot shower and then fall into bed and do nothing but rest, drink water and nap when I can. It has been hard at work, that I am surprised that my boss hasn't said anything to me yet.
My goals:
FASTING GOAL: I am feeling so drained at time, and other times I have little spurts of energy. It is hard to focus, as the acetone smell is horrible. Even then the thought of food repulses me. I know it is due to the detoxification. I have noticed that have developed some blemishes on my chest, which is surprising, because they usually appear on my back. I am still trying to drink as much water as it is needed, because I need to flush out my ketones. They are still remaining high, regardless that I am sipping V8 juice once in a while. I will have to stop that, because I think that sodium in it making me retain a bit of water. Honestly, I don't know much more I will be able to do this. My face looks pale. I have been clomping around in my shoes, because they are too big now.
CLEAN GOAL: I haven't even tried, as I am feeling so horrible. I wish this fasting time was easier on me.
READING GOAL: I haven't been reading at all. I have been just been resting when I am not working and watching movies on my phone.
REFRIGERATOR GOAL: I think I accomplish this goal, as I have looked, and I know what price range I want for my mini refrigerator, which I am going to get first. Now for saving up a bit of money ($160.00)
WII GOAL: I haven't had the energy to do anything with this goal yet.
REWARD: I don't know what my reward is yet. I don't know if I really deserve one.
D. has been mostly silent with me, and B. has been texting me like a mad man. Of course, I am confused, because the man, I want the attention from, is practically ignoring me, and the one that I only see as a friend, is bugging me constantly. I do enjoy B.'s communication, but it just reminds me of all the close talks I used to have with D. I really miss him terribly. I hope to see him this weekend, so I think that is one reason why I am thinking about ending my fast. I don't want to be all “feeling ill” when I see him. I want to be happy and perky.
I really have to think about what I should and need to do. The only thing I am really certain about is that I want to see him. I haven't seen him since New Year's Day, which is a long time for me, and probably even longer for him. Then again, he might not care at all.
DAILY MORALE: Slow and nauseated
EXERICISE: Walked 2.38 miles
WATER INTAKE: Approximately 34 ounces
WEIGHT: 137 pounds
STARTING WEIGHT: 150 (1/28/13)
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