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1/16/14: Happy day! I lost a pound and things are great!!
My daily journey toward a healthier lifestyle, a happier life and finding peace in my own world.
Date: 1/17/2014 1:59:31 PM ( 10 y ) ... viewed 9540 times January 16, 2014
“He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past.”
~George Orwell, 1984
Day 2 of Pre-fast (4 or 5 days until water fast launch – January 19th or January 20th.)
I am in control of my life. I know my life isn't the best and not always what I want it to be. I guess there are a lot of things that I silently dream about. I wish I had a man in my life all the time. Someone that I could come home to. You know, some one I could cook for, and talk about various things with. Someone I could enjoy video games with or go camping with. I wish I had a house instead of a trailer. (It might be warm in the wintertime when it is for me now). I wish I had children of my own, that I could create special memories for holidays or cool learning experiences. I guess that is one reason why I get depressed around holidays. I always think if I had my own child, all the things I could be teaching him or her. Being childless is like being the odd man out, because there is so much that revolves around children. I guess that is one reason why I love the Cowboy's girls so much. I get to be the person that makes fun games, reads stories, and interesting adventures, when we are all together. It is times like I had on December 21, 2013 with D. and his girls, that calms the fears of loneliness and deep yearning in my heart.
I don't want a new car, or a fancy house. I don't want jewelry or fancy clothes. I just want time with someone that loves me. I want to enjoy the lazy weekends, with a cup of tea, a book, while cartoons are playing in the background. I want to bustle around the kitchen trying to cook, while someone is doing the same thing (Both D. and I have cooked together, which I really love!) I want simple things. Watching a movie, playing a video game, hiking or biking. Creating a special day for a child.
I know that I could volunteer for Big Brother and Big Sisters, but I am afraid that I might not be able to pull that off. I mean, I have never done anything like that before, and I guess I am afraid of getting to close to a child, that I know at one point in time will never see again. I guess that makes me selfish. Maybe it is because I am very shy, and I don't know if I could be confident enough to do that.
I guess that is one reason why I don't focus on my silent dreams much. Because they are so unattainable for me. And that hurts, because I don't know how to attain them. I know how to pay my bills, and accomplish certain goals, but there is no way of controlling a person to love you, want to have children with you or marry you. I guess that is where I am a major failure in life. Not that I wanted to be. I really wanted this, just never understood how to attain it, when so many woman find last love, get married and have children.
I guess that is why I try to achieve some of my goals, because if I can't have the heart felt dreams that I want, at least, I can say that I have accomplished other things in my life.
Well, here are my daily goals. I am sure you just WANT to see me repeat myself daily. Sigh. I am thinking about stopping with the daily goals. It seems stupid to go over them every day.
DAILY GOALS
The Things that I accomplished already today are:
January 16, 2014
√ Fed my cats and loved on them
√ Made my bed
√ Write Morning pages (Journal 3 pages)
√ Read a Little
√ Keep my check book balanced
√ Take out trash
The Things I want to accomplish to night:
January 16, 2014
Knit a little
Read a little (more)
Read the Bible
Water plants
Pick out/organize garden seeds
Pick out clothing for the weekend
Wash clothes
Pick up clothes
WEEKLY GOAL FOR JANUARY 12th -JANUARY 18th, 2014
WORK ON BUDGET: Still on target!
WRITE IN JOURNAL 7 TIMES: I wrote my morning pages (3 pages) this morning before work. This is working out very nicely.
FINISH A BOOK: I still haven't finish the current book I am reading. I hope to really finish it tonight.
CROCHET 5 TIMES: NOPE, I haven't worked on this at all.
READ BIBLE 7 TIMES: I haven't started on this, but I have to say that I was very encouraged to start. I had a lovely conversation with a Christian client of my office, and his talk really encouraged me. I hope it was enough to get me started.
SAVE $20.00 IN SAVINGS: I can't wait until tomorrow so I can put $20.00 in my savings. Can you say that I am excited about saving money? I haven't done this in a long while, so it feels really good to be able to do.
ROUGH OUT STEAMPUNK COSTUME IDEA: I am still doing a bit of research and mulling around with ideas. I am thinking about doing a couple sketches to formulate what style I am looking for and then look for the things that I am going to need.
START WATER FAST: I have held off my water fast until either Sunday, January 19th (when I get home from J.'s house) or Monday, January 20th, (if I end up staying at J.'s on Sunday)
I talked to my Dad today and he is going really well, which is GREAT. He hasn't had anything major since September when we almost lost him. His blood work came back okay, and he is retaining his iron once again. I am hoping to make this limited time with him as special as possible. I don't want to lose my father, but it is kind of out of hands at this point. Well, it never was in my hands, to begin with, but I have come to grips that some day, one day in the near future, I will wake up without my father. I don't want to get to depressing since I am feeling really good today.
I went to the grocery store and picked up some food. Delicious food. I think I should start posting what I am purchasing so I can show that I am not cheating at all either.
My Groceries:
A bag of veggie medley: Snow peas, carrots and broccoli
A small bag of Snow pea pods
Two chicken breast from the Meat Deli
Can of Black beans
A box of Mushrooms
Clam shell of Mixed Spring greens
A bag of baby carrots
5 trail mix or nutritional bars
A bag of Clementines
One huge Red Grapefruit
4 Campbell Chunky soups
2 Sparkling ice waters
All for $24.75!!
I have about 3 or 4 meals and snacks. Enough to last me until I have to go on my water fast.
Actually when I was checking the receipt, I noticed that the soup prices where wrong. They were suppose to be 4 for $5.00 and I was charged 3 for $5.00. So I will get it readjusted when I go to the store next and I should be getting a little bit back, if I am right.
Gosh, my dinner was AWESOME! Marinated bourbon chicken on a bed of Spring leafy greens and clementine pieces, with snow pea pods. Yummm! And for a snack later on, I had a Cliff bar. I bought some of those, thinking it would be a way I could have a little bit of snack with peanut butter or chocolate, without buying a candy bar or some type of junk food like ice cream. My stepmother suggested that I make up some homemade trail mix, where I could add some M&M's just for a bit of chocolate or even instead of that, peanut M&M's for the protein. I am really liking that idea, as mostly I am either eating apple slices for snacks, or carrots, or oranges. I need something a little bit more different.
Oh, an another thing. I lost a pound! I was 150 pounds but when I weight myself this morning. I was 149 pounds. Now I know that weight fluxates, with water, and sodium, etc, but I really like to think that I lost an actual pound due to my eating healthy as well as my exercising twice a day. Well, we will just have to see if I can still be that weight when I do my weigh in on Sunday or Monday morning when I start my water fast.
MY FOOD LOG FOR: January 16, 2014
BREAKFAST: Small Granny Smith Apple, sliced
DRINK: 8 ounces of Bentley's Green tea
SNACK: None
DRINK: Water
LUNCH: (Around 1:30 p.m.) 4 cups of a mix of Snow pea pods, carrots and broccoli
SNACK: (Around 4:00 p.m.) Half of a navel orange
DINNER: (Around 9:00 p.m.)Bourbon marinated chicken breast (from the Meat Deli), a cup of mixed Spring leafy greens, a a cup of snow pea pods.
SNACK:(Around 11:30 p.m.) A Zone Perfect Chocolate Peanut Butter Nutritional bar
DAILY MORALE: Postive
POSITIVE THING: I talked to my Poppa on the phone. It was great to hear him say “ Ilove you”.
EXERICISE: ALL DAY- Walking, 3.90 Miles, MORNING – 45 Jumping Jacks, 20 squats (Heart rate was 140 bpm Aerobic!) EVENING – 45 Jumping Jacks, 20 Squats (136 bpm I think it falls within Aerobic)
WATER INTAKE: Approximately 15 ounces
WEIGHT: 149 pounds
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