Re: Honest opinions - Olfactory Reference Syndrome

Hello,

I wanted my first post to be a long, exhaustive recount of my 20-year difficulties with my Body Odor problem, but I feel the need to comment on this present posting regarding ORS.

People were openly commenting about my various odors long before I came to realize that the problem was 24/7 chronic. Early on I figured my deodorant had failed, or else I should have brushed my teeth longer, etc., so was able to function in a normal sense, without the chronic worries about the responses of those around me which developed later.

I have listened to 20+ years of open, unrestrained, point-blank heartless comments about my stench (correct word). I have also listened to 20+ years of those same type comments made by coworkers, etc., when they didn't realize I was in the cubicle opposite them hearing every word they said. Indescribably painful to realize that the words you are hearing are being said about --you--.

I too have gathered the nerve to ask people close to me about the presence and quality of my odor(s), in the hopes of gaining some insight into something which I cannot detect 98% of the time...only to have them universally respond that they smelled nothing out of the ordinary. I at first believed their report, then began to believe that they were simply too polite to respond truthfully. I then came to realize that most of them had become conditioned to my smells, and so truthfully did not smell anything unusual.

All said, the nature and severity of the comments and responses directed at me over the years (overt or couched), have caused the same degree of mental and emotional anguish most everyone present here has expressed. Taking the emotional equivalent of a kick to the groin over and over, repeatedly, day after day, is a hard thing to deal with, especially being the social creatures we are (or used to be, or wished be still could be...). Some of us go into complete isolation; some build layers of scar tissue or armor plating; some take the only out that their pain seems to leave for them.

Others, as I am heartened to read, set about to diagnose and correct the source(s) of their problem.

My opinion regarding this topic is this -- perhaps I could be diagnosed as indulging ORS behavior. It would be a superhuman feat to NOT become sensitized to the conversations of those around you (real or imagined), when one has listened point-blank to so many conversations for which they WERE the topic of conversation/ridicule/derision. ORS to me seems an inevitable development after years on end of being the focus of societal disapproval for my odor. Of COURSE I am terrified about whether I smell: I seem to terrify everyone around me BY the way I smell...(!). If I had absolutely zero concern about whether I smelled in a manner which people found offensive, then I would be guilty of an entirely different sort of behavioral disorder, sociopathic in nature. It is common human nature to be concerned with how we are perceived by those around us. Obsessing over this perception might indeed be a bad thing, or it may simply be the best we can do with the cards we've been dealt.

An aside -- I have pulled into a parking lot at work or school on more than one occasion, opened my door, and within a few seconds had people in close proximity to me completely stop all conversation, look at me, look at each other, look back at me, then begin a mass exodus post-haste. I might have imagined this occurrence the first dozen or so times, but after seeing it happen countless times over and over, I cannot be accused of imagining anything. Attribute this perception to ORS if you must. Perhaps the individual who "imagined" people at stoplights giving him dirty looks wasn't imagining anything...

People deal with life as best they are able to. It is likely that every last person on the planet could use some outside influence to set

their lives in better order, myself and the originator of this post included. None of us are completely free of shortcomings, frailties, failures...or personality disorders, whatever the label.

I do agree that we should all strive to limit, as best we are able, our assumption of always being the focus of conversations around us. The main coping skill I have developed is to simply discount conversations around me which I cannot hear 100% of (takes a LOT of mental discipline and practice). Another coping skill I have developed is a sort of "up yours" response -- "If you don't like the way I smell, go somewhere else, or learn to deal with it, because I am not going away." (I spent a lot of years 'going away' from jobs, relationships, etc., trying deal with the pain.) The best coping skill, and one which I am still working to perfect, is the up-front interdiction of the responses of those around me, with a simple, straightforward explanation of why I smell the way I do. This seems to be the most effective, as people seem to be more willing to accommodate you and your odor once they realize it has nothing whatsoever to do with personal hygiene. This last approach takes a lot of practiced courage, of course.

My $0.02. Keep the change.

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