Re: ack!

"So isn't the best lesson forgiveness and compassion and standing by your family till the end? Do we want them to believe that a mistake could cost them their family? That mom will leave them if they make a mistake?"

It's wonderful that you'll stand by your man. You'll both learn so many coping mechanisms from a marital counselor and I think it's the most healthy step towards healing for you both.

Yes, we DO want our children to know that a stupid, selfish mistake could cost them their family, or worse (HIV/AIDS, real estate, etc.). We want our children to learn that there are consequences associated with foolish choices. Look around you at the mall and observe the results of a self-absorbed society and permissive parenting practices.

Yes, it is horrible that children must bear the brunt of the stupid decisions that their adult parents make and there is often NO REMEDY for the damage that the adults inflict upon their children during divorce proceedings - it requires a valid license to drive a car, but anyone can produce offspring.

No, standing by a "family till the end" is not always the answer. That translates into, "I will put up with whatever it takes to keep the family intact." Well, a "family" is never "intact" when adults are deliberately harming one another and "till the end" often means "until one of us shoots the other one or I commit suicide." "Family" is a delightful group of individuals who help guide, support, encourage, and lead by example, not necessarily biological vessels for DNA.

I have worked with victims of abuse for nearly 12 years, and this included the women whose husbands "strayed" and brought home incurable diseases. My initial concern was your readily accepting the guilt of your husband's choices and it is quite possible that I overstepped my boundaries. My initial concern was to support and encourage, only. If you have been offended by my concerns, I apologize for your discomfort.

Best wishes to you! Tweet