Soulfulsurvivor,

I always respect your viewpoints, but have you coonsidered this:

Children deserve to be loved and cared for by a mother and father. They should be able to trust, at the very least, there own mother and father. They should have the opportunity to grow up feeling safe and secure knowing that their mom and dad will do ANYTHING to ensure their safety and well-being. I will do ANYTHING; I will sacrifice ANYTHING to give my children this. I know what it's like to grow up in a negative, untrusting and unloving family and I refuse to place that on my children.

My children know that I am angry with dad, that he made a huge error, but they also know that I am a loving, caring and compassionate woman who will do the right thing by them. They do not fear and trust me to do the right thing. They also trust their dad to do the right thing and make ammends for his mistakes. We are human beings and we all make mistakes, that's inevetible. Having four children I know that someday, at least one of them will make a huge mistake, but I will not stop loving them; I will be there for them and see them through their dark time, after all that's what a family is for, right?

My husband is a good man, who at times in his life got a big head, got cocky, needed attention to feel good about himself (but never in front of me, only on trips away from home), much of this goes back to issues with his own father, which he is now working through. My husband and I have always gotten along well, we enjoy each others company and I have loved him more than any other man. This has been hard for me to overcome but I believe I can get there. I will love him again in time. He has assured me that he will do whatever it takes to make me happy again. He really has humbled himself a great deal during this whole ordeal. Honestly, I can say that he must truly love me to work this hard at salvaging our marriage.

In many ways I see what has happened as a test from God...I am such a proud person, anyone who has hurt me in life has been cut off. This is not how it should be. I am not perfect I have done many stupid, irresponsible and selfish things during my lifetime, things I am not proud of and things I would not want my children to know, yet here I am faced with a man, who I chose to spend the rest of my life with and he has been stupid, irresponsible, and selfish. Okay, so my mistakes happened before I was married, but none the less I was that person at certain points in my life too. So how can't I forgive him?

SoulfulSurvivor you said,

"Children learn from watching their parents - what we do, what we say, and how we choose to react will be their guidelines, for life - what will be perceived as normal and acceptable."

So isn't the best lesson forgiveness and compassion and standing by your family till the end? Do we want them to believe that a mistake could cost them their family? That mom will leave them if they make a mistake?

Speedy

Soulfulsurvivor,

You did what you had to do in your situation. You were willing to try to make things workout but your partner was not. I have a friend who is in a similar situation as mine, but her husband is not willing to change, their divorce will be final in just a few weeks. Our daughters are bestfriends. I really can't understand how this man can walk away from his family (3 kids, two dogs, cat & beautiful loving & forgiving wife). It's so hard to understand...I mean this woman she is lovly, inside & out and was willing to stay with him even after all his cheating. Sometimes it is so hard for people to look beyond their own being. They simply can't see what they are doing to others, how destructive their life choices are. It amazes me how selfish people can be. These kids are going thru hell right now. They had to give the dogs away, they are moving across country away from dad, and they are being sued by the City for a car accident with an ambulance deemed mom's fault.

I think if both, the husband and wife, are willing to work things out and make the neccessary changes then they should do so whole heartedly and family and friends should encourage that union, but if only one is willing then for the sake of the children it should end and end quickly. Especially when it comes to abuse. I grew up with abuse and it can really tear the fabric of our being. It can turn a person bitter & cold. As for me I got lucky somehow and didn't turn out so bad, infact I am very pleased with who I have become.

You have a lot of heart and you should not feel bad for how life went for your children. We simply do the best we can to survive in this world given our circumstances and given the tools we are provided from God and from our life experiences. It's all any of us can do. Some are simply better equiped than others.

Good luck to you