It angers me, confuses me and breaks my heart ...

... his brother, a medical doctor (revered by his whole family as some kind of god) keeps my husband supplied with all of his prescription "crutches."

I know that sounds hateful, but that is EXACTLY how I view all of his medication now ... as crutches that continue to help him walk down his path of destruction.

And, I also know that my hatefulness is yet another mask to all my pain ... I love this man with all of my heart (warts and all.) I don't expect perfection because there is no such thing. I married him because I enjoy his company, therefore I'd kinda like for him to stick around for a long while.

Maybe I have dove headlong into this health transformation ... gone from one extreme to another ... ignorance on fire, so to speak ... and, if it is overwhleming for me (which it is) it has GOT to be overwhelming for him, too.

I am angry and scared, and feeling helpless. Ya'll are the only people I felt I could turn to. I will check back to read all of your responses. Meanwhile, my family is screaming for me to rejoin the play-off game ... I think the Colts are getting their butts kicked. Peyton, Peyton, Peyton ... an interception? ... straighten up, boy!!!

And, My Molly, you are right as always. I do need to see what else Curezone has to offer. I seem to stay within my small circle of familiarity.