Re: What to expect?

You took the time to write and I want to help you not worry about me. DON'T!
I shall address your note line by line, if that helps. I'll say it again.....I know it is not politically correct to "stay"....but life isn't a nice little cut and dried thing, always black and white. (And I'm pretty much a B&W type myself but bear with me.....)
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There are welfare apartments and shelters and agencies that retrain people for jobs when they can't do what they did before - I say this because that is what I had to do - I slept on my friends' floor to get away from that ass, because to stay was self-imposed suicide - if he didn't kill me physically, then I would have died from the insanity of it all. * I do not make a very good "victim". He is not battering me NOW. Not physically. When he goes off verbally I call him on it and hold him accountable. I am not perfect either so I try to be a tolerant, "normal" human being and cut him SOME slack without enabling his disorder.

I am concerned for you because you so insistantly defend all your reasons for staying. As you stated yourself..........."get over it".

I am concerned because you somewhat encourage this person to stay, (I would LOVE for him to leave and leave me what I deserve. Can YOU make that happen? I haven't been able to either. ) ......and imply that we don't quite understand - the people who come to this site are not here because we have candida - we are survivors of abuse. We left and we live. *I can no longer be gainfully employed as I have yet to find an employer who will let me take the necessary time to endure a migraine, the side-effects of migraine meds, raging insomnia brought on by the migraines, eyes that have all but burned out because of the raging insomnia (2 episodes) and so forth. [Now I have TWO major back injuries to endure that leave me flat on my back 15-19 hrs a DAY.] Today, if one misses ONE rent payment and one begins the "trip,stumble, fall" cycle-- that leaves so many homeless. I am making the best of it. Just because I did divorce him, did live in shelter after shelter, slept on many, many "floors"-like you, UNLIKE you, I wasn't able to keep it going. I did return. Crucify me for that if you will but we are actually HAPPY at times. I never really quite make it to that place for long because I am the one having to live with an NPD that lives in lalaland but I do the best I can, OK? You said you live and let live....then quit kicking MY ass!)

Your feet are not really 3 inch feet, you are bound by fear, archaic jewish law, and injury to the psyche. *I'm managing. YOU "get over it." I'm not dead today, didn't die yesterday and tomorrow....I dunno. Do you? (Sheeeesh, you really missed the point by a country-mile, then.)

Paul wrote Corinthians - not Jesus. *Well, this is where we will just have to disagree disagreeably! I take the Bible literally. If you don't, that is your choice. (To me, it is ALL as though from God.)

Paul was trying to help the church at Corinth, as a lot of the early churches were divided and had weird "rules" and such, and he was trying to unify them. Perhaps that was written because some jewish women had left their husbands for the next door neighbors or whatever, and it was creating some problem - God never ever meant for us to bind ourselves, with all our human shortcomings, to some abusive sob for ever and ever, amen. * Look....I agree. BUT I cannot undo what I've done. Not at this juncture. I'm not willing. Maybe I'm scared. Because I've been OUT THERE, injured. So sue me. I wish I had just LEFT without a divorce or better yet, gotten the support from the courts that I damnable well deserved. THIS MAN COULD NEVER PAY ME ENOUGH FOR WHAT HE HAS TAKEN FROM ME. My health. But you can't MAKE a judge do what he or she SHOULD, either. I was STUNNED at how rotten the court system was. We all know that the system is imploding right along with the rest of society.

And I will tell you, I will take my chances with God before I would stay with that ass I left. *Well, maybe your monster was/is even more monstrous than mine. All I know is what I know....I cannot make it OUT THERE with the injuries my monster has left me with. I'm pretty banged up, sister, but thanks for the support. I can really tell you understand.

Remember, everything is forgivable with God. *Then I seem a whole helluva lot more forgiving than you do! But I could be wrong. :O)

What a cruel joke it would be that He would make us lonely or miserable because we picked out of ignorance. Doomed for eternity with an abusive man because God "wills" it??? I think not. *I'm sittin' here pretty tight....I know perfectly good and well that God is even madder about what he did than I am. God is not stupid.

Sk, This life is not a dress rehersal. You will not get to come back and do it later, why live the martyrs life?? *Well, that's your opinion and you are entitled to it. Just don't ruin my day with it, OK? I have enough on my plate, thanks. As long as my NPD isn't hitting me or SCREAMING in my face, hell, I'm happy.

Please think about this - get some type of help - LIVE *I REPEAT....many wives and girlfriends GET KILLED WHEN THEY LEAVE. You had better be darned sure you can disappear off the face of the earth when you do. Nocando right now, dear. Sorry I disappoint you. And...AND...you have to pay the rent our outchago! Best regards.
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