What to expect?

Hello All, Sorry this is a long post but life has been horrible this last 12 months.

I'm currently about two months away from a divorce with a very violent man. I have been with him for 11 years but the abuse didn't start until about 3 months after we were married (8 1/2 years ago). I stuck by this loser while he had a serious meth problem. I'm not a drug user so I did not know how serious. I knew he dabbled a little bit and tried to get him to stop. Of course he told me he did but until he got caught in a park with another women doing drugs about two years ago, I did not realize the severity of his problem. The cops searched my house in the middle of the night while he was in jail and my two children were sleeping. How embarrasing this was. Apparently they had been watching him. He is self-employed and I have a good job so he basically decided he really did not want to work anymore. The whole time being abusive. I always thought if I tip-toed around him and did not make him made, I could stop the abuse or at least minimize it. I also thought if he realized how his non-contributions to the family affected us, he would get a regular job. I begged, it did not happen. I did not want our children to have to go through a divorce. I keep reading all the statistics on how a divorce affects kids and their future relationships. I also feel like it's a sin and I'm having a hard time dealing with the bibiblical side of divorce. Finally last year I found out he was having an affair with the girl he was caught in the park with. She had been a schoolmate of both of ours so I've know her for 25 years. What a slap in the face. She has no job, no drivers license, no money, three kids, she's in and out of jail and is very unattractive. I have a good job, nice salary and take care of business and am fairly attractive. I don't get it!! How can someone that has been so abusive and a mooch move towards a person like her that has nothing to offer. The problem is that he doesn't want a divorce and has on a few occassions beat the hell out of me for filing. I'm afraid if I get a restraining order, he'll walk right through it and life will really get bad. He now realizes that it's going to happen but I think he is still in denial. Also, he has been throwing this affair in my face and it makes me sick and depressed even though I know I'm doing the right thing. I have not gone out with another man although keep getting asked. At this point, I don't want to. I'm very bitter and have two children to focus on. I'm afraid if I do at some point even after the divorce, my husband is going to freak out. How does a person go on after being married to a psycho? Will I have to worry about him even if he has a girlfried? One thing he always says is that he just wants to be with one person in his life that he does not hit (has hit every other girl). Is this possible? I'm assumming at some point his new girlfried will also be abused. How does a person survive the emotional aspects of a situation like this? Tweet