I'm sorry to read all this about you - everyone is giving you advices that can apply to a "normal" person and you feel you are not... Please don't think about yourself like that!
It's hard to get a grip - these people on the board are trying to help you and give you good advice, try your best to do any of the suggested things that feels right.
I wish I could give you a hug... :) Things will be ok, be strong, be positive and be proud of yourself trying your best working on this problem!