Re: What Would You Do In This Situation?

I've always had a severe problem with depression. It's my biggest problem by far, and no matter what I try, I can't seem to cure it. Without going into too much detail, i'll tell you that I come from a long line of mental illness. My father is Paranoid Schizophrenic, my mother is Manic Depressive, as is my sister, and all three of my brothers are depressive, and two of them have attempted suicide. I also have. Let me just say that my upbringing was as bad as I can imagine it could have been. Molestation, physical and mental abuse, etc. I'll stop there.

My issues make it so that i'm totally normal on the outside, but on the inside i'm a mess. I'm fairly intelligent and articulate, and I just appear average and together, or at least normal. Normal enough where I don't appear as though I need any help, and so I get none. It's hard to get help when you don't know what it is that's bothering you, and the things you do realize you can't put into words enough to get people to realize the extent of your pain. Nobody will ever understand me, I guess.

I don't wonder why she couldn't deal with me, I just can't deal with it is all, and I thought she, if anyone, could help me to help myself through this. I now feel like if she couldn't deal with me, then nobody will ever be able to. She is a very kind, forgiving, understanding person, and basically everything I ever wanted and more. She just couldn't deal with me anymore. I never thought she really wanted to break up and stay broken up. I thought she just wanted time apart, not to be with someone else.

I guess there is no way to convey the situation without actually witnessing it, but we were a very good couple, if only I could have gotten my life together financially and emotionally. I just don't know if that's possible. Also, I would never convey my total true feelings on the internet for fear of being called a threat to myself and locked away. I'm just very confused and depressed, and I have nobody to talk to, which is why I am on this board. Well, that's about it in a nutshell. Tweet