Re: Iron the Girl - my story

Hi Nora.
Yes, I am a survivor. I was rape for 8 years of my life by my brother. And I know how you feel when you say you feel evil and dirty. I have felt that way for a very long time, chipping away at it for years. I used to feel (and still do sometimes) that inside I am filled with a black tar like gunk and puss and bloody scars. I thought I was a monster, but I had to hide that from the world. Cause if they knew, if they could see what I was like inside, they would run away and I'd be alone. I felt unwanted and unworthy of love. I didn't deserve it because I was not good enough. Not good enough for someone to save me from him. It is excrutiating pain. A fight just to function as a quasi normal human being.

I didn't tell my parents what happened to me right away. I didn't even know what it wasn myself. I just thought that's how all brothers acted and when my other brother didn't I thought something was wrong with him. That is how twisted my mindset was then. My parents found out when I wrote a note to my best friend in high school and told her about it. Somehow, without my knowledge, I dropped the note. My Mom found it and read it.

Before that moment I couldn't tell them. I thought it would destroy my family and my parents and the fabric of the universe for that matter (it sounds dramatic, but the fear is there). But they found out, and as my therapist says little birdies didn't die and children didn't starve and my family did not fall apart. Instead they've held me and comforted me and stood behind me every step of the way.

I in the past few years healed tremendously. I no longer want to walk in front of a car 10 times a day or at all for that matter. It's amazing how far you can come when you use the inner strength that helped you survive the abuse then to get you through the healing. Remember you as a survivor have an amazing strength that others could only dream about. You have survived what many in this world could not. That strength is your ally.

You are a beautiful young women who deserves to be happy and is loved. Someday you will achieve that what is now a mythic dream of health.

Good luck on your journey and know that there are many of us who are walking the path with you right now.

Megan

ps-I highly suggest the book "The Courage to Heal". I was a major instrument in my continual healing process. Tweet