Re: Who are we?

I started this fast ... Friday night ... it's supposed to detox your body and fasting is supposed to be a spiritual thing ... I started the whole thing because I love excess ... everything I do in life I do to excess and relish in it ...

I smoke ... not one or two cigarettes ... not one pack in a day but two and steadily moving up to 3 packs a day ... nicotine

I drink coffee not a cup or two in a day but pots and pots of it ... and when I do finish with coffee because I simply have drank so much that my stomach is sick ... I move on to Iced tea ... caffeine

When I drink alcohol I drink until I am drunk or until I get tired and go to bed ... although I don't drink daily or even weekly

Sex ... I don't just have sex but have made a game, hell a whole lifestyle out of it ... not that I think that sex is bad but I have been known to take that to excess also ...

Eating ... I can't just be sated by a meal ... I eat in excess ... Sugar ... fat ... meat ... junk ... even when I know (because of pervious health issues) these things are not good for me ...

Sleeping ... I go from one extreme to another ... 2 to 4 hours ... to 14 to 20 hours ...never a healthy sleep schedule ... that would not be even a thought for me

I relish and roll in my own indulgences ... and believe me when I say I indulge in anything and everything I can ... I am amazed that I never partook heavily of drugs ... possibly a miracle ... or Gods work in my life... Who knows?

Lets just say if there is a vice out there outside of drugs I have had my hand in the pudding ... and as always ... elbow deep...

So this fast ... going without food was just another of those extremes for me ... how long can I go? ... I really didn't start it for health ... Maybe I started it for weight loss ... but I don't really think that I did ... if that were the case I would not have read the information on how to fast in a healthy way ... one that would not make you sick from starvation... I simply would not have cared if I got sick in trying to lose weight ... pain to myself has never been that great of an issue ... pain like anything else is just something to indulge in ....

But now this fast has taken on new meaning to me ... meaning that has nothing to do with indulgence ... and that has everything to do with stopping those actions ... stopping the excess in my life that is literally killing me ... Can I really change I have not an idea ... my brain at this point is just buzzing ... I have the minimalist ability right now to focus on anything for more then minutes at a time ... I am terribly restless in my thought...

This fast is my first ever attempt at stopping this destructive need for excess and extremes in me... I feel full of disease ... and by that I literally mean DIS-EASE ... I am attempting for the first time in my life to stop my ill ease ... to put myself to rights ... mentally as well as physically ... and if this sounds as if I am some psychedelic hippy ... I promise you I am not ... I am funny and cynical ... and hard nosed.