nonjudgmental communication; we are the commanders of your own joy

I can relate. We tend to withdraw when we are sick. Often from a fear to be rejected, judged as unfit and ostracized.
I feel that many ppl had thought about suicide in the lowest darkest place of their lives, but it is in a way taboo to speak about it unless one is in a strong position, so for him/her would be easy to ignore hurtful and hateful reactions.
People are afraid of the unknown and of the non-ordinary. This is why they react the way they do - out of herd-habit, out of ignorance or plain stupidity.
I learned to choose very carefully whom I disclose sensitive information, which doesn't mean I still don't do mistakes.
Yes I have thought about the S. word also. In the darkest of my life, when nothing was right, I was physically unwell and the life ahead seamed uninteresting, hopeless and grey with a lot of work and nothing to look forward to.
I was so wrong. Thankfully chocolate cookies addiction maintained some thought sanity in
my mind during this period.
Psychiatry now postulates that it is normal for people to have thoughts about suicide; which does not mean they really plan it or will attempt it. More and more it becomes accepted that Depression or sadness, as its lesser version, are normal in certain circumstances. Usually, dealing with the problems brings about resolution, not an antidepressant pill which drs are so easy to prescribe.
I rejected the medication and requested personal talk-time with the psychiatrist (not that he turned out to be good in talk-therapy)... and he found out about my discontent, I was straightforward. At least, though, I learned to express negativity and get things out of my chest when it was safe to do that - he was bound by doctor-patient relationship.
You need a trusty friend, a therapist, or someone close to confide in. Just one person is enough, You don't ought to divulge what are your weaknesses, or share whatever new therapy you are trying with a large circle, not even your colleagues. If specifically asked, you can vaguely say my doctors told me to avoid ... (fill in the blanks).
It looks like your body had moved in a positive direction, and continues to do so, whereas your mindset lags somewhat behind. It is good to find bright things around us and find ways to stop being bound to our own shell. A good way is to connect back with people/creatures who are not judgmental.
Ref:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL--zc1KIxk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q65aJNkpKfc#t=9.138
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiJOXKsOrsc
Romantic love or passionate relationships usually come when we are happy. Just the law of attraction in works. Make a point to focus on the positives of your day, to enjoy your journey and move each day closer to joy and peace:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmGDEmeqUw0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNThLR8GJzY

Breathing is a powerful tool to transform physicality and emotional states (to try this intially for about 10-15 min - after the Om - intro is the essence of the practice):
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2Y5ACss6Es