Re: Trauma, shame-core beliefs, and recovery (EDITED)

I have an update. I saw my new therapist, sex therapist, as she did an inventory on me and talked a little bit about why am I here and to share a bit of my story. My next session is May 7th to start the actual therapy and she did say she wants to work on me opening up my feelings. She was shocked to find out how I don't know my relatives in the family only two aunts and a cousin but I don't even know them now knew them growing up.

Lots of people are shocked when they find out I have no relationships with the other "relatives" which is why I am the oddball in a group of friends as they had relationships with their other relatives. I have no interest only the relationship with my sister and brother. I do need a new family an extended family that I can count on. I am in tears holding them back I was thinking at the laundrymat today once we go through my feelings, the walls will fall and something is/will emerge - that is what I am afraid of.

I am sure it will be a good thing but the fear of the unknown is an uncertainty. I have never been able to sit down and say out loud freely about my feelings or if you gave me a quiz with hypotheticals 'how would this look like on a scale of 1-10.'

I told the new therapist I have never been able to express my own feelings and it's pretty hard for me to do it now.