Re: Trauma, shame-core beliefs, and recovery (EDITED)

Tigerlily23, virtual hugs for you, my dear.

Listen............not ALL therapists are going to be competent.  What do you call the person that graduates at the bottom of their medical school?  You call them, "Doctor."  And, not ALL therapists are intuative or empathetic.  Some are even in the profession for nefarious purposes - one very famous psychologist engaged in a study of sociopaths that were not in prison - just regular people - and discovered that he, himself, displayed EVERY hallmark of a sociopath, though he had no true "intent" to cause harm, but he just realized that he didn't care about others' feelings.

So, you are going to make whatever decisions that are appropriate for you, but it will be of the greatest benefit to understand that not all therapists are the same, and that paying for good, solid, and competent help is worthwile.  Look at it this way, if you can:  if you suffered a compound fracture (when the bone pierces skin), whom would you prefer treating it?  A friend that had a broken nose, or a trained surgeon that will require payment for their services?

There is no such thing as "complete recovery" in any form of therapy - it all happens one tiny bit at a time.  There never came a day when I stood up and said, "Okay........I've spent the past 7 months doing the work, and I'm cured."  It just does NOT happen like that.  Progress occurs AS it occurs and there cannot be an expected time limit or set amount of time allotted for "cure."  There is no "cure" for childhood abuse.  There is only recovery and healing.  Period.  The only way in which to actually "measure" one's level of recovery is in retrospect - i.e., I am not the same person that I was even 9 months ago, and I NEVER want to be that same person, again.

Tigerlily23, this may also be of benefit to you:  even scientists cannot - can not - explain time.  Clocks were invented to simply mark the PASSAGE of time, but, in its truest essence, "time" is this very moment.  Learning to live in the present will help to reduce your anxiety, fear, and so forth.  And, learning how to do that is best accomplished by working with someone who is trained to teach.  It will all fall into place, in due time.

Brightest blessings to you