Sexual abuse still taking control of my life

Hello, haven't been here in a long time. I am now 29 years old and realized that sexual abuse has been hitting me. It started at 13, while I was on the phone with my then friend at the time; a drunk guy (who I never knew/seen) came in and started to fondle me. Never saw that guy again, so who knows what happen to him?

In high school, I lost my virginity to an older guy (28) and didn't realize he took my virginity nor did he ask if I wanted to have sex he took it himself! After that, I started having painful sex with other guys as they were sexually abusive by yelling at me and calling me names. I didn't have good sexual experiences and envied the girls who did. I never sought counseling I thought I could handle it on my own and realized I can't it's still affecting my sex life!

I went in more depth my with my boyfriend a month and a half ago. I told him how things with those people (the ones who raised us) how she would say how dad and her had sex that it was awful, sex is so nasty, found out last year or so dad molested 1st born half sister multiple times way before I was born, he looks at young girls in a sexual manner, yet she doesn't do anything about it and still is married to him.

I was told that my dad would look in my room when I was asleep and he would be butt naked, he sleeps naked, and he even walked in on me in the shower I thought he was already gone back to Cali and I had my eyes closed washing my hair as the shampoo was in my eyes I am like did he freakin lose it? He told my mom recently that he sees nothing wrong with him and I sleeping in the same bed in a hotel!

I broke down and told this to my boyfriend of 9.5 yrs that I feel this is disgusting as I never went this in depth with anyone because fear of not being heard and that "no father would do this to a daughter" bullshit I have heard all of my life. It's like being sexually abused without being touched!

I recently went to a clinic to get in to see a therapist and I was told they will call me asap to get me in sooner to discuss this as the case worker said this is severe trauma. My ex-therapist said I have trauma but never went in depth with me about what to do with it. God, I feel like a basket case with issues 1st ex-therapist was god awful all we did was argue (she didn't know about the sexual issues) as she had to be right because she is a therapist. So, you can kinda say I am still bitter by the upmost disrespect she gave me so glad it was over Feb 2014!

It's hard for me to enjoy sex with my boyfriend because of flash backs and feel like I need to compete or ask him if everything was okay in bed because the past is still bothering me. I do not want the sexual abuse past to keep controlling me. I do feel like this is my fault that I should have saved my virginity until I was out of high school.

That's all for now hope someone can maybe provide some input or comfort. How did some of you get over sexual abuse and live your life?