Thank you for sharing your story. I am curious to understand what the current state of affairs are with your relationship with your abusive mother.
For me, things did not go well. When I had children of my own, and vowed to treat them with respect, this was a huge trigger for even further vicious abuse from my mother, not only to ME, but my children, and her grand children as well, (especially the daughter).
Its like, she sees that I am doing things differently as a direct attack on her. Unfortunately, the contact became so viciously abusive, I had to stop contact. It wasnt safe for my mother to be around any of us, and we've been a lot happier since she is no longer a part of our lives.
In reading your post, you sound like you've done the work necessary to break the cycle, and all to often, our abusive families dont like it when we break the abusive mold. Whats the most hurtful of all, is having a mother and being brought into this world, and she was my worst enemy the whole time, and at every turn, through birth and adulthood. She is still miserable, and never has changed her ways. Her raging on and on, she doesnt seem to be aware of her triggers, or how her behavior is being perceived. She comes across so callous, petty, jealous, and just plain stupid to me! Like she will call my daughter racial slurs, and use that same type of spitting tone she did with me, as if we disgust her.
Just so so sad. I can only explain her past behavior, from the 13 year old me, as a result of her own projections. She had a horrible life growing up. Her mother was worse than her. She had an alcoholic father, which I know she rages at any child hood memory of him. But she refuses to acknowledge that she was abused, and that her own mother was toxic. I've never heard a kind word about that woman, and when I met her, her viciousness was further confirmed, but if you ever call my mom on the truth about her mother, she viciously defends her and romanticisizes her. I think she was telling me the stories of how bad she had it, so I could feel somehow grateful of her abuse, and how its that bad. Its horrific. I am glad we havent spoken in years.