My mother died over 10 years ago. I didn't cry when she died---and that part made me sad. Basically, I mourned for the mother I had always wanted and never had. The only time I felt sadness was when she was in the hospice. She held my hand, then put my hand on her face and rubbed her face with it. That action triggered a lump in my throat.
She, too, constantly raged at her father long past his death. Yet, if I said anything negative, she would get angry and then idolize him. This type of behavior is common --- the abused one relates to and sympathizes with his/her abuser.
I did allow my parents to know their grandchild---as did my brothers with their children. Interestingly enough, my mother treated my child far better than she treated me. However, in due time, my child did see my mother's dark side. For example, my mother expected to always get her way. When the rest of the family, for example, wanted to have a day trip, she would find a way to kill it. Either she would say that she didn't want to go, therefore none of us could go or she would suddenly come up with some chores that had to get done right that minute. My child did see that side of her. However, since my parents retired to the other side of the country, they didn't see any of their grandchildren very frequently.
I hope that you do call the RAINN Hotline. Read this young lady's story here:
In a private message, she told me that she did call the hotline and they helped her find a counselor. The last time I heard from her, she was making great progress and was on her way to a happier life.