Re:

"The next time I vist my "doctors" I'm going to put a big jar of my poop full of candida, mucus, and parasites right on their desk."

Send them an invoice for it. They're used to paying for all kinds of medical supplies, etc. Its only right that the patient be compensated for their effort in providing the MD what they need to do their job, like any other supplier.

If you didn't supply it, or yourself, they'd be out of a little revenue. So just mention to them that you providing your shlt is a part of their cost of doing business. Consider having them reimburse you for your driving mileage, at the IRS approved rate.