Watchful...

Thank you, very much, Blue Rose.  This has been a true "eye-opener," as They say...whomever "They" are.

Four people in Real Life are aware of what's transpired, and they are not involved in my everyday life.  My son has no idea, and I don't intend to inform him unless I take action.

At this time, my fury, hatred, and meanness have simmered down into this soup of hyper-watchfulness.  I'm watching my spouse to see if he truly intends to make changes for himself.  And, I'm taking it one moment at a time - I'm not looking towards the future, but focusing on the here-and-now.  I am still setting an exit strategy in place, though I need to talk to an attorney at some point, soon. 

Where my own behavior is concerned, I have noticed that I'm fighting the desire to settle into denial:  to actively believe that my spouse will continue his therapy and that our "relationship" will heal.  I really have to work on this because statistics with regard to successful outcomes from p 0 r n addiction aren't very promising.  And, the type of p 0 r n that he was interested in is of the worst kind.  This is his addiction, not mine, and I refuse to accept any part of it as acceptable or something to be "understood."  It takes a long, long time to manage any addiction, but p 0 r n o g r a p h y presents its own, unique complications, especially for men. 

This is going to be a long, nasty process whichever way it goes. 

Thanks, again, for your encouragement - I am living in a space where genuine friendship and support is more valuable than Life, itself, and I truly appreciate your help.

Brightest blessings.