Re: woman discovered dead after 18 months

I see how you would equate major change with stress and pain. And of course you're 100% right.

Changing careers, moving far from home, getting married - each of these by themselves statistically cause extreme stress and pain at least in the short term. (I've done exactly all these things at the same time also and know first hand how tough it is).

Throw in caring for parents, a terminally ill brother - and I couldn't imagine how you wouldn't feel depressed.

However I stick by my guns that your Depression is telling you that your life has diverged widely from your own expectations - and radical corrective action is needed for you to be happy. In other words the changes you made while radical enough, didn't answer the underlying issues.

And, of course there are times in life that we're stuck satisfying other peoples more urgent needs and when following our bliss has to be postponed. But that doesn't mean you can't benefit from some radical rethinking.

Having people dependant on you, taking all your leisure time and burdening you with their own unhappiness is not something that will make ANYBODY happy. And even though you can't or won't just walk away from them, you CAN do things to give you time to yourself and limit their demands.

For example - announce to everyone that you're taking some evening classes at school (cosmetology, typing, Chinese philosophy, whatever). If they don't like it - tough. This is something you need to do for yourself. If they imply you're being selfish, tell them, if I wanted to be selfish, I'd head to the Greek Islands and not look back.

But by you having this scheduled time to yourself makes eveyone else prioritize their demands on you and gives you the "You Time" that I'm guessing would make your life so much more tolerable. And don't negotiate - it's something you have to do or you walk.

I'd say Yoga or meditation class would be ideal, but you want something that will take a couple hours and have tests and such so that everyone knows you can't be talked out of going from one day to the next.

There are no easy answers, but my advice would be the same - let your Depression do what it's meant to do. Get you so fed up with the pain that you'll make whatever unthinkable changes you need to to make your life better.

And that means leaving all your assumptions on the table to be altered or obliterated if necessary. The good wife, the good daughter, the person that knows their place, the good Catholic, the unselfish person, the faithful this, the humble that. If it's in your way change it. And maybe if not right away, when the time is ripe. If you can still give the people that depend on you 75% of what they need (not just ask for) and your life is richer - you've made a master stroke! And everyone else will not only adjust but think better of you for it.

Sorry if I'm sounding preachy and presumptuous but I hope it helps.