Re: woman discovered dead after 18 months

I know how you feel. I was in danger of the same fate, until recently. The only thing that changed is that I moved into a retirement community and they have these little latches on your front door that every night someone comes by and snaps in place. The next day, if the little latch is not opened by you opening your door, they come in and check on you. Otherwise, I would die and no one would know, maybe for years, just like that lady.

I have always been alone. In younger days there were significant others, who, in reality, were less then significant. For the past 15-20 years, there has been no one. My brother is my only remaining relative, and he has lived alone his entire life. He lives in this community too, which is why I came here, but he is 20 years older then I, and when I am with him I feel more alone then when I am with my dog, as he is pretty much self absorbed and mosty interested in what I can do for him. He is also a total invalid, so I visit him but he does not visit me.

He will die long before I do, and then I will go back to being totally alone, as I was before I moved here. I have made peace with it, to an extent, but it is not the ideal way for a human to live. I believe, however, it is karmic, and there is not much I can do about it, as for all my struggling and searching, nothing has ever changed in this regard. There is not even such a thing as friendship in my life.

At any rate, I am so disallusioned with humanity that I prefer my dog, really. At times I crave intimacy, (as opposed to having another body in the room, like my brother) but that is a gift apparently I never deserved, as I only found it once, and he left me.

I do love my dog, however. I love to watch the seasons change. I love a hot drink on cold mornings...I love the flowers outside my window...little things like that. I am grateful for what I have and try not to long for the things I don't have.