Re: Stressed about seeing my sexual abuser, PLEASE HELP

Thank you so much for your replies. It really helps and strengthens me. It took me 15 years to finally tell my mom about the abuse and at first she was at defensive and did act like a wasn't a big deal. I talk to my counselor about it and she had me write a letter to her about my feelings about how she reacted and it helped me a lot. But I don't know if I really have the guts to tell anyone else. No matter how many times I've dreamed of it, I don't think I could get myself to tell anyone else. I'm really scared of how'd everyone would react and especially of how my uncle would react. He's like 42 now and I don't know what he'd do. The weird thing is I don't hate my uncle, I actually have forgiven him which took me a long time to do, I just don't want to be around him,and I don't want to have to see him because the site of him disgusts me. I know that sound really weird but it's true.
I think it's sad how I would have to miss Christmas with my family because he's there. My mom has not helped me at all, at first she actually tried to blame me. I just feel like I am alone. And no one understands the anguish this has caused me. Even I look at it and think, it shouldn't be this big of a deal, why am I still crying over this, why can't I just get a grip on myself, why does this still cause me depression? But it does, it causes me great despair, and not a day goes by when I haven't thought about this since the 3 years ago that I remembered it and realized how it made me lose something very precious.
I am so sick of it consuming my life and I just want freedom from my mind and closure from my family. I love my family dearly and I don't want to ruin it. I want to be able to visit my grandparents without crying at the site of them or their house. I'm just not strong enough to tell. I thought by telling my mom it would bring me closure and it did for maybe a month.
After reading all your responses I realized people do understand, you have given me wonderful advice, I just need to take the next step, but that is the hardest part for me. Tweet