Re: two hearts that beat as one..

lol I have ALOT on my plate right now and my other aspirations are not quite are 'pure'(??) as the ones concerning my heart.

I'd like to share but not sure if it would be an appropriate place to do so,not that it's anything really 'bad' but I don't think it would be wise to disclose (for legal matters anyways) my other pursuits/aspirations.

I am always attracted to genuine personality traits that they cannot control,their reactions,the quirks,the 'flaws' they hide away,the little things that they do that they are not aware of nor even recognize..I see it all and it really touches me at the core sentimental level..I know I am supposed to be this prickish buttwipe of a dude but I appreciate it all though they would NEVER know it nor sense it.

Alot of those things I see in both of these girls,every single day working with them and makes me horribly attracted to them,combined with their beauty of course lol.
I don't care..girls like these come and go but they have never been so beautiful nor as genuine in attraction.Before,I'd just see a girl and think ..woah,now I watch and listen for all the little things and I can sense a deeper sense of whom they 'really' are..I love my empathy at times but at times its a curse,sometimes I feel 'too much' but in times of when it's vital and important to share,especially what I am feeling..I am soo..numb.dead even.Partially the reason I blab soo much online..I keep soo much in.

it's all good,I will most likely get drunk and have an orgy with them both lol.I may not be able to love them nor surrender to my genuine desires for them but at least I may have them..one way or another and be done with them.Sounds horrible and brash but at least I am being honest ..I would like to care about them and be concerned about their well being as people,human beings..but right now it's like...I don't know,I see them as only characters in my little world..waiting to be either a conquest or another story to look back and think about.

I know..I know..horrible I am sounding.Flame away,I deserve it lol...


if it's not these two it will be another two..or three ..or four.
I am not even a gigalo or player,I am just a confused little prick with a chip on his
shoulder trying to find 'love' (yeah right) where I can...even if it isn't real...


my intuition is to just roll with it all..the good and the bad,for some reason or another,even when I am bad things seem to still work out in my favor...

I know..I am such a little bastard.don't you want to strangle me? lol..