ms.right..ms.RIGHT NOW...

since trying to allow myself to 'like' girls again or try to at least without being effected by all of my excess baggage,I have ran into so many issues and problems I have been trying to deal with but never have gotten through.This all has led me to heartache,pain,rejection feelings,hurt and frustration.I just can't deal with intimacy and allowing myself to feel vulnerable when I am actually trying to let myself go..maybe it's too much effort and I just need to relax a little bit..just let things flow and they will take care of themselves.I am just not ready for those feelings.

I have decided that sex is okay lol.
I mean,I do attract girls and they do find me interesting enough to notice..why not just enjoy it if I got it? I see no harm in that just as long as I don't delude these girls into thinking there is something more.To tell you the truth,I do get lonely ..very very very lonely and sometimes I just need some physical attention to mend the wounds of my broken heart..because yes,I am very broken inside,bruised and fragile.I may not be able to deal with affections of the heart but I know what I need and that is attention to my body.Somedays I just want to be held or kissed,touched or just want to screw the life out of someone..just a release.We are all adults here so no need to hold back right? lol.

I am not ready for love..for deep 'relationships',talking and getting to know someone past the point of knowing enough to screw them (foreplay?!) lol.

I am young and won't have my youth forever..I know that once I am old the wanker is going to loose some of it's punch like most old farts.Thank god for v1agra but for now I think I will take advantage of my younger years while I still can.


I just can't let myself open up emotionally to ANYONE right now without immediate feelings of hatred and resentment for sharing so much of myself with anyone..I promised myself a long time ago I would never love again and never be hurt.I have loved so dearly and been hurt so badly,not sure I can do it again..not sure I am ready to let go of that anger just yet,not sure if I really want to.Quite honestly I just want to fvck.

Love and hate seem to be strongly intertwined in me.I just can't have one without the other..being so,i know exactly the types of girls to avoid..ones that I am really attracted to emotionally and know they would be more girlfriend material.And then comes the other ones..ones where we would be a good match physically.Didn't really tell the the difference before but now it's like I can just tell lol. Tweet