The blasto have won before I've even started......

Having been diagnosed with Blasto I started on the diet - no sugar/grains/fruit etc. I've been battling with what I thought was Candida for years, and was already on a pretty restricted healthy diet, but being vegetarian grains were the staple part of my diet, I lived on brown rice. I've always had a major problem taking any kind of anti fungal herbs or detox stuff - I would have to do it really really slowly, my die off symptoms (if thats what they were) were so bad - eg I took Threelac for over a year, I was never able to tolerate more than 1 packet a day, and would have to go 3 days on/3 days off, otherwise I would not have been able to continue working.

Anyway after 3 weeks on the diet, my symptoms were so severe I had to come off it - the worst affected was the terrible increase in mood swings/depression. I suffer badly from Depression but find SSRI meds very helpful in controlling it - they had no effect with this, awful awful depression, just wanted to cry all the time and the worst thing was my brain just didnt work properly - I couldnt concentrate in work and kept making mistakes, my brain was just mush and at times I felt I could hardly string a sentence together the fog was so bad - I couldnt bear to be around people and I just lost all self esteem and confidence. Along with this was severe tiredness - I was completely exhausted - I felt physically and mentally totally burnt out. I had severe aches in all my joints and very sore in lower back on left hand side - flu like symptoms and I looked about 10 years older, my face looked so haggard and tired. I also suffer badly from sluggish bowels (unusual for blasto) and they just stopped working - castor oil, oxygen powder - nothing worked. Trying to cope with with orgainsing my diet and work I actually felt like I was going to have a breakdown.

I ended up totally going off diet and eating sweets/bread and rubbish - anything to take the horrible Depression away. By the next day my brain felt completely normal again - I was a different person with a different outlook on life, so it was defintely the diet and what ever was being released in my body. I am SO SO frustrated, I dont know what the heck is wrong with me that I cant take any of the stuff I need to - I felt this bad and I havent even STARTED on any sort of anti parasite herbs, cleansing etc. I can cope with the tiredness etc but I cant cope with the increase in Depression - my brain must be incredibly sensitive to whatever the diet did - but it cant be normal to have such a severe reaction can it? I also tried to take two paratrex one day, and suffice to say I practically felt suicidal the next day.

I am at my WITS END and dont know how to get well from this. I have decided to go back on diet but very gradually stop eating the grains to make the symptoms bearable, even cutting down and I can already feel the increase in tiredness and the aches in joints, but the mood is ok so far and thats the main thing. Is there anything anyone can suggest that can help make it easier for me to take the herbs I need to - has anyone any idea why I react so strongly so easily - and is there anything I can do to alleviate the increase in depression as I try to get well? Other people seem to be able to make some progress taking various supplments etc - I am in despair - I feel the blasto have won the battle before I even started. I am too scared to take anything now, because I just cant face the reaction.

Rexy