Ancestors, family angels and family devils [part 2]
I would like to say something about all different kinds of abuses:
Every kind of abuse is connected with some family sub-consciousness. We are not alone. We are all together with our devils and angels and so are our partners. When we get married, we bring with us our ancestors, and we also get new ancestors, which are our partner's ancestors. We have a place that was just waiting for us, but we were not even conscious of it. Often we replace somebody who was excluded from our partner's family constellation, and our partner replaces somebody who was excluded from our family constellation. So we come in to new family and take a role of a person who was already excluded from that family. Of course our partner replaces somebody from our family too. The greater faults we carry from our primary family, the greater problems we'll face in the new life with our partner.
A murder in a family:
If we had an ancestor in our family who was killed, now with him in our family field comes the murderer, too, as a new member of the family.
The old traditions and cultures were aware of this, so the family whose member was killed would take the murderer and adopt him in the family. For the murderer, that was the worst punishment, and for the family, that was the way towards healing.
Today, everything is different. We have prisons.
If the members of the family are capable of dealing with pain, and they find the way to forgive the murderer, the murderer will not be able to endanger the family. One of the deepest prayers that we all know is "Our Father," and at one point it says: "Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us." But if the family members did not forgive, the murderer is then somebody who searches for the place in the new family because he/she does not exist anymore in his primary family. The murderer is punished for the act of killing by being excluded from the primary family. The murderer will try to establish him/herself as within the new member of the family, either through a newborn child, or through somebody who came into family constellation by marrying into that family. So, our husband, or our child, have a great potential to take that place. We unconsciously select that partner who will then take that new role, the role of a murderer or abuser.
There is a question: what really makes somebody attractive to us? Are we free to select our partners, and if yes, to which extent?
Are we like dogs, sniffing each other's problems (each other's baggage), and getting attracted to each other because of those particular problems that we both have?
According to that, we have found the right partner for ourselves, and there is a great chance that the real love will happen, but only if we are tolerant, supportive, honest, full of understanding and forgiveness, if we have discipline, strength, persistence, and if we are fearless. In one word, in our interaction with our partner, we have a chance to become a better and complete person.
That sometimes goes happens through love and kindness, but more often through suffering because a long time ago we stopped respecting the order in nature, or order in the relations to God, or order in the relations to people. We can still remember the order that we inherited, but that order is far away from our conscious, covered with a load of trash accumulated in our mind.
This theory corresponds with the fact that in one generation we have victims, and in the next we have abusers.
Rape in the family
A rapist is also a part of the family, especially if he had made a child to a victim. In a war, it often happens that a soldier rapes a woman and then they have a child. That leaves the victim with a deep mark, and especially if she couldn't tell anybody about it. That child would grow with a fake identity and that child will have a potential to become a rapist, but he/she wouldn't even know why. The desire for rape would be reinforced with mother's anger because she does not have power.
It can happen in a big family, where a father, or brother is a rapist, and the family keeps that as a secret.
Every time, when a sin, as big and as heavy as this happens, (and the family members don't do anything to solve that problem, and everybody just tries to hide the problem), in the next generation, the problem will come back but with even greater consequences.
All family games can be replayed. The roles have been distributed in advance, and we don't even know that. We are used because we are in the field, which belongs to somebody else, so we have a different destiny, and we don't have the freedom.
How should we deal with this?
Nobody really knows. These are all individual cases. But one is for sure, if you and your partner love each other, then you should go to do the psychotherapy, homeotherapy, go the church and pray, see a shaman, a priest, or anybody who can help. That is not an easy path, but it is the way to regenerate family energy and to bring love to our harts.
In this case, the victim has to be aware and expect to face some wild energy, and to control that energy the victim has to be able to behave like somebody who can tame a lion.
What really helps in this case is to visualize the rapist and tell him: "I see you. I empathize with your destiny. Please look at my life and my children with blessing, and I will do something good in my life for you, (like make some sweets and give them away, or light a candle for forty days, or do something special for yourself), and I will never forget you." And then do that.
On the other hand, in your imagination, try to reach to your ancestors who were strong and brave and tell them that you will try to be as brave and as strong.
How to protect yourself from any further abuse?
We need a high level of discipline. We have to be fearless, feel peace in every move or decision. Every word we say should be said with an authority and identity.
We should not let these games happen again or let them take over. We should prevent these games in an original way, by leaving the situation with an unexpected move. We can make a joke, switch the subject, stay peaceful and calm, but without stubbornness or resistance, let it be for a moment like in the martial arts, and then win. We should not try to excuse ourselves or get engage with an ill-minded person.
We should turn a tragic moment into a comic one, relax the situation with something amusing.
We should never forgive any harm, but instead, we should wait and give back but slightly less, so that he/she can feel how it is. Often, people aren't aware of the abuse or harm that they do to us until they receive the same treatment. That's how those abusers will began to appreciate you. If you forgive them and pretend that you are a saint, they will think that you don't have any power and they will try to attack us again, as any wild animal would do.
Every rapist feeds off the energy of fear and if there is no fear, the rapist will slowly wither and die out as any other parasite.
It doesn't mean that only one person can be a rapist. We all have different role, but under certain circumstances, one role is dominant over the other.
In the beginning, we will not be always successful, but when we once succeed in taming that energy, we'll feel powerful and in that moment we will walk out of this role of victim.
If our partners don't want to change, and they reach for alcohol and drugs, then there is no help. It is crazy to believe that they will change just like that. They will not because they have accepted a death sentence. They aren't interested in anybody else, not even in us. They aren't here anymore, and they have allowed all sorts of destructive energies to take over their bodies. Then, why would you or I be there? We should find a way to save our selves and protect our children from further trauma.
Vanja
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