Edited

Some cannot be helped and when all else has failed you must move on for the health and well being of your family...Vanja does state this in her posts, but it is important to try and correct things IF we can. Those who behave like your husband are in pain from past hurts and/or they are physically/mentally uncomfortable, for example they may suffer with digestive issues, pain or other health imbalances. Men, can be like children, they have a hard time explaining and expressing how they feel, physically and emotionally.

Sorry you are going thru these problems...I would suggest a detoxifying program to help him clean up his system...perhaps this could be something you do together and it can create a common link towards healing that will ultimately lead to a renewed connection/bond...

Be sure the plan is very simple and something you can BOTH follow. Perhaps post a question on ask curezone for a simple detox plan for 2! Also try "killing him with kindness," not literally, but make his favorite dish of food or suggest alone time giving each other a massage. It is so easy to get caught up in negative emotions, try to "completely" release them on your end and he may "naturally" catch on. All you can do is try to help him let go of his pain, be it physical and/or mental.

In the course of my marriage my husband started getting selfish and mean and that's when I started to wonder...so I started asking questions...when I asked him for the truth I got it and that's when all hell broke loose. The truth can be painful, but we are in a better place now for it and we managed to save ourselves in the process, not only did we save ourselves, but also our children and so on...

I don't care for psychologists or other counselor types but I do suggest seeking out spiritual guidance (only if you are BOTH willing) to help you both along the way. Vanja may have some ideas in this area.

Many people will not be able to come to grips with their past, they will choose to see their actions, such as cheating, as okay because everyone else does it...this is their crutch that allows them to live with themselves, they dare not face the truth because then they are accountable for their future actions. We don't want to know the truth because when we know right from wrong we are then responsible to uphold what is just and true. The same can be said about the things we choose to put into our body, such as drugs, alcohol and junk food. Consider this, it is a sin against God to ingest known poisons, yet we do it each day. What are the consequences?

All we can do is try our best to make good healthy choices for our family; do all that you can do, but don’t beat yourself up if things don’t work out...sometimes we have no choice but to let go...

Good luck to you!
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